I believe in happiness in memories.

Brittany - Anitoch, Tennessee
Entered on October 9, 2008

I believe in happiness in memories.

The world, depicted in media reports, is always terrible with some bad news happening every day. Never had I thought that one day I would be thrown into such media with such horrible news. I’ve experience two close deaths this past summer: deaths involving two of my closest friends; deaths that happened at the same time since they were together at the time. The information shattered my summer from lull and lazy to emotionally heart-wrenching. Hearing such news, I couldn’t take anyone serious; all I could think was that my family and friends were lying, playing some sick joke on me. That fact that those voices were thick with emotions did not register with me; it wasn’t until I called both friends’ cell phones only to reach their answering machines, that it hit me: my friends were gone.

This is something that is still hard to believe because I remember the night before I was copying one of the boys at the last party that we all had together. It is so ironic that the one that I was joking about is gone. The other one was my best and first friend since entering middle school. It’s too hard to believe. It’s still too hard to really grasp the fact they are gone, that I can no longer invite them over for them to eat a whole large pizza among themselves. A group of seven friends has been knocked down to five. Five people who are starting to stand on shaky grounds. It will never be the same for us ever again, the gatherings that we had among ourselves. We will forever have heavy hearts and an almost impossible time to get over something this bad. This event will keep us from us truly being happy. But this is why we have memories.

I’ve heard that happiness is what people make it to be, and smiling is the best thing to do. Not a fake smile that will satisfy standard questions about my health but one that will have people asking me why am I smiling so much? To which I will respond, “I’m remembering.” And that is what should happen. For every bad that happens in our life there should be an equal amount of happiness. Equilivent exchange almost. For the immense pain over the passing, I will look back and remember the happy times that I spent with my friends and everything that we experienced.

I will not forget that they are no longer with us, but I will not erase the happiness with emotional pain. My memories of the best moments of my life will continue to invade my mind; they will continue to live through my memories and I will be happy; I will spread this happiness of memories to others.