I was nineteen years old when the dark haired, blue eyed boy with the longest black eye lashes I had ever seen asked me out. “He is the one for me” I thought to myself. Over the next three years I was determined to have him all to myself. I wanted to be in a relationship with him even when he wasn’t ready. I found myself trying to force it on him. It wasn’t very long before the games would begin. I would continually wonder why he didn’t call me when he said he would or why he would make plans with me, but sometimes would never even call to cancel. For years this behavior went on. Why did I allow this type of behavior and why was I forcing this relationship?
A year passed and I had no communication with him, because we had a fight over plans for Fourth of July. My phone rang one day and it was him, from that day forward we were inseparable. He asked me to marry him, and I accepted. He was different, so I thought. There was no more guess work, he followed through with everything.
We weren’t married very long before I noticed him pulling away from me. At the time I justified his behavior, “this is what must happen after bills, long work weeks and having a child”. Sharing responsibilities was always very difficult. In order to have any help around the house or with our son, it was a constant force. I would try to go out to dinner or a movie with him and again, a constant force. Soon I found very few things that weren’t a constant struggle between us.
We divorced after only three years of marriage. In the past, I found myself many times blaming the divorce on him, because after all he is the one who went and got a girlfriend. Now, I look back and I realize if I wouldn’t have worked so hard at forcing the relationship and just took a moment to look at all of the signs, maybe we never would have gotten married. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t regret the marriage. I have a beautiful son from the marriage and I learned some very valuable lessons. I believe with real love you don’t have to guess and constantly wonder, real love will follow through. If it’s real love, you won’t have to force it.
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