A Life afloat

Jyoti - Westboro, Massachusetts
Entered on October 6, 2008

A LIFE AFLOAT

It is a strong emotion that engulfs my sensitive mind eternally since my mid twenties. It was the dormant dream to be able to go to the perfect land where things are clean and picturesque and smell of perfume lingers on everything. My dream turned into a reality and I arrived in this beautiful country as a newly wedded wife to join my dear husband. And being granted the wish my mind is like a ship dancing on the waves, being pulled in all directions. After initial excitement the routine of day to day life set in. Years went by. I look back and scenes of the past go by me like a movie in motion.

The meaning of life and how fast life speeds by us and does not leave us with much time to catch up. I miss my childhood haunts back home, I miss feeling the air and smell of the familiar surroundings. I also miss the barking of the street dogs and the crowing of the rooster in the early morning like a nature’s alarm. The reality that the near and dear ones have grown old and some gone by. The younger generation growing up with not knowing me at all or as an alien (truly) of the family, who shows up after some cluster of years have gone by. I no longer feel proud of my luck, I feel guilty of having failed my responsibility to the family, the old and young and my dear friends and neighbors and the society as a whole. I know life does not stop for anybody or anything. I could not make my parents or mom in law’s ailments to stop in time so I could be there to take care of them.

One viewpoint is life has become global and accept it and move on. I ask myself is that good enough? Will I get a chance to redeem what precious moments and opportunities went by? What will be my thoughts at the end of my life? How will my kids look at my actions and life? How will they grade me? An A for being courageous and wandering in the unknown. And be thankful for providing them with an opportunity for better life. OR a failing grade for being selfish and running away from issues and responsibility and in turn robbing them of some intricate pleasures of life too.

I guess my life will forever be afloat and at the end there will be no coast to guide me. But I believe that the richness of my experiences is something that makes me unique and more sensitive. It definitely brings out a better human being!