I believe I am more than the sum of my parts.

Pamela - 06488 5389, Connecticut
Entered on September 27, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe I am more than the sum of my parts. I am an Indian woman born in Africa. It was not easy. The second youngest in a family of six wanting only sons. It was not easy. A creative father becomes an alcoholic to escape from an apartheid society. His worth judged by the color of his skin. Seeing my father beat my mother in a drunken rage. It was not easy. Seeing my only brother beaten bloody for daring to defend his mother was not easy.

People are more than their experiences. I learned early the art of camouflage. I have traveled across oceans, seas and rivers. In my pursuit for that something I traveled to New York, Amsterdam, London, Rio, Dubai and more. The lost girl camouflaged herself as a worldly woman, well spoken, educated and sophisticated.

I no longer feel Indian, African or any other thing. I have traveled so far from myself that I have lost all sense of direction. Even my camouflage is failing me, because it can’t get a handle on the landscape of my soul. I go back to the little things.

My son’s warm body curled into mine as I read him a bed time story. The tiny hand a replica of mine on my breast has he reaches to turn the page. The smell of him invades me. We laugh. His happy childlike giggles are pure. The sound vibrates in me. The sound echo’s in all the empty spaces, filling them. Love pours from my cells and we are enveloped into a warm cocoon of love. I am healing. It is so easy.

So many of us hurt, broken, virtually destroyed by the life choices we have inadvertently made. We look in all the wrong places for redemption. We search the past or try to run away from it, with sex, drugs and more bad relationships. Learning to love ourselves flaws and all is the hardest thing to do when you don’t know how.

I’ve learned from my son that I am more than my parts. My son, my teacher, teaches me to love myself. How can I not when he loves me absolutely. A fundamental truth I have learned: you cannot love anyone else if you first don’t love yourself. I believe each one of us is capable of self-love. And humanity can save itself by learning to love them selves. It is that easy.