I Believe In Me

Rachel - Kentwood, Michigan
Entered on September 25, 2008

This I Believe

I believe in me. Sitting around thinking to myself, “what do you believe?” I thought for a while, that I can’t say I believe in any one thing for sure. I thought I believed in God, but through friends and education, I’m just not so sure about that one anymore. I thought I believed in Love, but anyone who has been through a bad breakup can tell you that, love isn’t the all conquering thing that we are made to believe it is, when we read fairy stories as children. So as I sat and thought to myself what do you believe in, clicking one item off the list at a time, instead of growing more and more pessimistic, I realized I believe in me.

I come from a broken home, if you can even call it that. You see it was never put together. My mother and father were never married. The way she tells it they were never even in love, how they managed to make two children together is beyond me. My mother raised us by herself and I never really saw my father. During my elementary school years I went to five different schools, we moved around a lot, until my mother finally had enough of her controlling, and I suspect abusive boyfriend. I grew up in a trailer park and went to a tiny public school, a school where every year, at least one cheerleader ends up pregnant. Even though I was never a cheerleader, many thought that was to be my future, an unwed teenage mother.

I do not condemn those who have traveled this path; it could happen to almost anyone. The problem is, out of the many grandchildren my grandparents on both sides have; well over half of them have been in this category, of unwed teenage parent. It seemed as though the deck was stacked against me. However, even though I am no saint, through luck and preventative measures I have not fallen into this grouping.

I have watched my mother struggle with bills and hate her job almost my whole life. I decided that I wanted more for myself. I decided I wanted to get an education, to be the first on both sides of my family to get a bachelor degree.

I still struggle every day. Working full time, with a full time class schedule can seem, at times to much to bear; especially when you think about all the student loans pilling up, waiting to be paid some day. But to steal a line from Meet the Robinson’s, I just “keep moving forward.” In the end I know I will be able to accomplish my goals, I can almost, just almost see that light at the end of the tunnel. In the end I will be able to do it because, I believe in me and this I believe.