The Great Outcome of Change

brenna - casa grande, Arizona
Entered on September 23, 2008

If change was needed would you make the effort to do it, I did. Throughout life people will change many times and in various ways. In my case, I am taking the steps of change to become a better person. These steps are because I believe that the power of change can have a great outcome. Through that outcome you will be constantly reminded that a change had to take place to be where you are.

Without any notification my life had taken a turn, I dropped out of high school, was not able to attend the college I had wanted to go to, and for the first time had been experimenting with drugs of all sorts. This is not typical for a student who went to school every day, maintained a 3.5 grade point average and was about going to graduate with honors but during the time I dropped out I didn’t take into consideration any possible outcome that derived from making my wrong decisions. I knew I was being selfish and was doing what I thought was right at the time, meaning anything fun was the right way to go. After a short amount of time I progressively worsened my situation by losing the trust my mother had for me and the relationship we shared. Heartbreaking but true, the one person who had all faith in me, I let down.

By hurting a person I truly cared about I was able to slow down and just think. Think about where my life was going, about everyone I may have hurt in the process of my wrong doings, and what I wanted to do to fix the damage done. One thing leads to another and became a chain reaction which ultimately ended in my almost dysfunctional breakdown. I became unaware of my own absence. I confined myself to my room which reflected my state of mind, dark and a destroyed. Being in the room gave me the chance to find what my problem was, grasp it, and take hold. The reality of it all was that I was having a mental break down at seventeen years old and didn’t know how to express myself. I was like a bottle of soda that had been shaken up, with a lot of pressure and nothing to do with it, my mind was ready to explode.

Through this build up for so long came my developed thought of change. I knew change was somewhere in my near future, I didn’t know when but I knew I needed to change.

The day when I found my turning point was in November. I had a feeling from deep within myself that something would take place the day I felt the most deserted and something did happen. I woke up one morning to an unpleasant feeling, I wanted to cry but felt there was no reason for it. “Is this normal?” I kept saying to myself. Throughout the day I seemed to have crying fits, some controllable and others hysterical. I figured everything I had done caught up to me. My mother was there for me, around the house, and by my side without me knowing it.

Toward the end of the night while I was sitting my mom pulled up another chair and sat next to me. I honestly didn’t want her there but I couldn’t say anything or even get the energy to move away from her. Breaking the silence my mom says, “Brenna, what’s wrong?” again I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I didn’t want to lie to my mom or hurt her anymore by not talking to her so I made the decision to speak out. Tears were streaming down my face as I revealed things I thought I would never tell my mom, these tears weren’t out of sadness; they were to mask my shame. My mom sat threw me spilling my guts just as any good mother would and when I finished she leaned over gave me a hug and said, “This is a big change in your life. You are realizing what to do to make the right choices and good will come from this.” When all said and done she walked back to her room and left me to ponder what she had just said. What I got out of what she said is just this; change can make a better person and a great outcome. I took charge of my life from that point. I vowed to finish school, be happier, and change the defective person I was so that one day my possible outcome will be great.

Now that I have experienced the change she spoke of; I have graduated high school, received a scholarship for academics, and I am enrolled in college. These were my simple steps for my change to become a better person and when I become successful, they will be the great outcome of my change.