Living or Just Existing?

Christina - Greenville, North Carolina
Entered on September 19, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I am nineteen, soon to be twenty, and I feel as if I have not yet started living my life. Sure I have been biologically “alive”, but I have not experienced any of the things I want to before my life ends. I barely know who I am, let alone what I believe and why I believe it. When faced with the word “living”, I could not find a definition I saw fit. The dictionary says that someone who is living is actually in existence and is not dead. What a horrible definition to live by! I was so unsatisfied with it that I decided to make up my own. To live is to experience every day like it is your last, to leave your mark on everyone you meet, and to not let opinions get in the way of things you love to do.

Living should be done as if every day was your last. I do not want to waste another day. I wish it were possible to go to sleep every night and KNOW that I got everything I wanted accomplished that day. I still want to have lazy days, but I want them to count for something even though I am not constantly busy.

I never want to walk around anonymously again. I want to influence at least one person every day until I die. This could be as simple as smiling or saying “Good morning.” It does not have to be anything big, just enough to make someone’s day a little better. I volunteer with Project HEART, which is currently helping me with this. Every day I help children out, and I love knowing I made a difference in their education.

In order to actually live, I feel like I need to be able to do what I love and not fear other’s reactions. Everyone views events, people, and actions differently. If I do not worry about what other people are thinking I would be a lot happier. Not only would I be happier, but I would not have to spend as much time stressing about others and I could devote that time to doing more of what I love. Are people really living if they sit around and never find what they love? I have a passion for children and eventually I want to devote my career and community service projects to helping them as much as possible. I also want to relate my experiences and passions to everyone I meet.

As of this point in time, I still have a little ways to go before I would consider myself living. I need to find out exactly what I believe and stop worrying so much about what other people think. I also need to continue working with children and never let go of my passion. Basically, I believe I need to strive to live life to the fullest.