Fall off Your Feet

Devin - Queen Creek, Arizona
Entered on September 16, 2008

I practice Parkour for many varieties of reasons. It helps to teach me my physical boundaries, as well as allow me to build upon them. Also it lets me know my mental and emotional limits. When I come to a jump, or a wall that looks too high, or far for me to jump, I can’t afford to hesitate. If I hesitate, I fall. I have to believe I can make it as well as actually be able to.

In some strange way, my belief has to do with love, fear, courage, hope, friendship, and strength — not just physical strength, but all kinds. My belief is that if you believe in something with all your heart, you can’t afford to hesitate when it’s at stake. Your beliefs shouldn’t be taken away from you because there is an obstacle. Whether it’s emotional mental, or physical, you have to believe that you can surpass it — that’s one of the most important thing in the world to me. That belief and hope is what keeps me going and trying to better myself.

This past summer I went on a trip to see someone very important to me. She was a good friend of mine, but we lived in different states which made some things difficult. She was my best friend ever since I met her the summer before. I went back to school because of her and even started trying to get the rest of my life back to what it used to be before I lost almost two years of school credits. But towards the end of my senior year of high school, we began to drift apart and again came me screwing up everything.

Since I dropped out of high school during the last few months of my senior year, I had nothing to do but try to think of ways to get back on track. I worked odd jobs and did favors for people for weeks to get enough money to go see her. I was still looking into college and finding a job as a way to try and keep it a secret from my family. They had never met her, so they would oppose to me going hundreds of miles to see her. So, naturally, when they found out made me nervous to say the least.

Two days before I would leave was my best friend Chase’s niece’s birthday party. It was at this party that my secret would be revealed to my family. I could never forget that day. Facing my parents was one of the things that I was afraid of most. I remember that when my mom found out, I tried everything I could to avoid facing the inevitable (that’s what I do when there’s something I know I have to do but I’m too nervous or scared to do it).

My mom was drinking that night with the other parents, leaving me and Chase to take care of the rest of the party. There was cotton candy, toys, snow cones, margarita mix, cake and ice cream, and mud everywhere. Just two eighteen year old guys taking care of about twenty kids is hard enough without being nerve-racked about what will eventually come. There was literally no way to avoid having to talk to my parents about this, since my mom was to the point where she couldn’t drive and I would have to drive her home.

I first found out that my mom knew about it by a woman at the party pulling me to the side and saying “Your mom’s looking for you. It’s something about your girlfriend in Utah.”

I started looking for my mom when Chase pulled me into his room with our other friends. He said “We need to talk.”

Confused at first, I only said “About what?” with my usual dumbfounded look on my face.

Then he said “Your mom knows. My sister told her and she’s looking for you”

Everything seemed to fade away for that instant before Chase snapped me back to reality, shaking me, and saying “If your mom’s drunk, she won’t be as mad. We need to talk to her about it tonight. It could be your only chance to come clean.”

We went out to find my mom, but she had forgotten all about it. She just wanted to go home. I was saved for another day.

The next morning was when I actually did come clean to my parents. They sat me down in the upstairs living room and stared at me for what seemed like eternity before saying anything. My heart was racing, until they finally started interrogating me. “How are you paying for this?” was the first thing asked.

I told them about how I had been working and planning in secret for weeks to get the money. They continued questioning me, asking me about things like where we met and why it was so important for me to go. They seemed surprisingly calm and rational about it all — not what I expected at all. What I thought would happen seemed more like a scene from a bad drama movie.

The next day, Chase and I set off on my “epic quest.” We were on the bus for over 20 hours straight, then walked over 60 miles around the town over the course of three days. I tried seeing my friend, but she wouldn’t even answer the phone for me. Even though I didn’t get to see her, I know I would do it again if I were given another chance. I know she wouldn’t see me, but I do believe that going somehow showed her how much she means to me.