It Is What I Am

Kerstyn - Rock Falls, Illinois
Entered on September 16, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe my prescription to life is running. It keeps me sane and it is why people call me insane. Already in my life running has done so much for me. It serves as an outlet for stress, frustration, anger, and sadness. Running has saved me from each of these feelings.

So far I’ve dealt with stressful situations in school such as getting good grades and pressures to drink. Last winter break I almost buckled under the pressure to drink but instead I decided to go for a run in the cold weather. After I was done running a cup of hot tea sounded much better than a cold beer.

A short temper leaves me frustrated and angry, to cool my head I go for a run. An example would be when my little brother, who has ADHD and ADD, does not respect me. Usually he will throw my cat around or destroy my personal items. With every stride, I leave my frustration behind and am able to get through any emotional situation.

The hardest situation to cope with is death, which devastates me. My great grandma, Gram Mom, died a few weeks after my 17th birthday. The week she died I walked in the house hoping she would overcome this aging illness. On the outside I stayed strong but on the inside I was falling apart. Running was the only way I could cope with her death.

Gram Mom celebrated life for almost 100 years however, my two year old cousin, Kristian, never had that chance. Kristian died on Mother’s Day last year. When I received the news I swelled up with sadness, anger, and guilt. I felt these feelings because I have been alive almost two decades longer than him. I never expected to attend a funeral of someone younger than me. Other people may cope while consoling each other whereas I isolate myself and run. All the while sweat and tears roll down my face.

In the future, I will depend on running to get me through any situation. It could be stress, another death, or perhaps just someone pushing the wrong buttons. I know that I can count on running to be there for me and I feel that it is closer to me then friends or family. Life sets up different obstacles that test me and running is my way of clearing those obstacles.