It was explained to me that a man named Jesus was murdered by the people he loved and that his friends watched silently as he died. This was my first understanding of suffering and I vowed when I heard that to end all suffering in the world.
I believe this to be my ultimate life calling. I see this role as an affliction just as much as I see it as a blessing. I believe my final test will be to answer the question: Given the talents and gifts you have, what did you do to help the world?
I am my belief. When I get mad, impatient, intolerant, when I cause others to suffer or I do nothing at all I’m far away from who I am. When I’m creating things, and helping people directly or indirectly, that’s when I am at my best.
Yet even at my best there is always more I can do. I will not be able to obliterate hunger, I will not be able to decimate violence, or destroy hate yet I strive to. I help feed someone in my town, I strive for peace in my life, and I hate no one. I believe there is never enough one can do to help in the world.
As I get older I understand better the nuances and intricacies of the world, that good and bad are hardly ever delineated by a bold demarcation, that sometimes there is nothing to be done to help a given situation.
This can be off-putting. My greatest fear however remains watching a tape of my life and realizing that I have hurt more than I have helped. Perhaps my expectations are too high, yet so long as I love who I am, and realize that ending suffering will be the greatest struggle of my life I hope I never change my expectations.
I work towards a Utopia where all are fed, all are loved, and all are at peace. However on the path to that land free from corruption and suffering are thousands of distractions- paths that are smoother, more comfortable. Indeed, my fight towards the peace that the un-suffering world will bring is a difficult and long one. It is my honest hope that I’ll keep on the path towards peace and love.
Perhaps my endeavor exceeds my capability. I know I will stray from the path. But I don’t seem to mind the enormity of my challenge when a little kid smiles as he is fed. I believe in that joy. I believe in this struggle and I believe that if each of us in our own way works towards the goal of lessening the load of someone else, we will be able to live in that Promised Land here on earth.
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