Hoping for Forgiveness

Audree - Las Vegas, New Mexico
Entered on September 10, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family

“You’re my babygirl!! I love you soo much!” my dad always used to tell me. I always looked up at him and smiled. I gave him a big hug every time he told me that. He made me feel very special.

Although he wasn’t my biological father, I felt I was the luckiest girl alive to have him as a ‘dad.’ He raised me when I was a little girl when he and my mom were together. I considered him as my real dad. He was in and out of my life. This time, I hoped he stayed there.

The new beginning of my ‘dad’ being in my life again was great. We always went cruising and we always had lots of laughs. We had very weird conversations and we had our secrets together, funny ones. Other times we went on road trips, shopping, and to get food and/or ice cream.

We went to the state fair with my aunt. We had tons of fun playing games and going on rides. It was about a year that he was back into my life again and we had gotten really close. He was there for me through hard times. He was someone I could talk to about anything. He was a very important part of my life. He was my best friend.

Fighting with my parents is what made me and my dad lose contact again. Summer came; I always wanted to be out. When I did not get my way, I would argue with my parents till I got what I wanted.

One night I was very mad that I didn’t get my way of being able to hang out with a couple of my friends. I took it out on my dad, which was the biggest mistake I ever made. I told him very mean things that I did not mean, but it stayed with him.

Why did I tell him I was glad to be away from him?! What was I thinking?! How could I tell my dad those things?! How can I be soo cruel?!

I asked myself those questions over and over again. I tried apologizing to my dad, but I couldn’t find the words to say it. He would not accept my apology. I realized I hurt my dad very badly.

I texted my dad before I left on my way to Santa Fe to my new school. I asked him if he was going to attend my orientation. His text back to me said, “No. You hurt me really bad.” I did not text back. I cried on the way to Santa Fe. I cried almost an hour trying to hide it from my mom.

I wished my dad would show up, but he didn’t. He did a lot for me to get into my new school. He did not deserve to be treated the way I treated him.

I still hope for him to call me or text me. I try texting him, but I never get a reply. I hope someday he will forgive me.

I know he is out there still thinking of me and thinking of all the fun times we had together. This I believe.