I Believe in Desire
I believe for everyday we live we have a desire or a wish that we long for that brings us satisfaction. It’s a desire so deep within our bodies that sometimes it’s irrational. We long for the day to grow up and find that special person to fall head over heels for in which I have found one year ago. I met a man named Ronnie in a drive through we exchanged phone numbers, and talked the next day until our ears went numb. It was a period in time as if nothing could go wrong until the day came were he made a bad decision. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and now this desire at the moment is beyond reachable. People make decision every day at the drop of a hat that will effect their tomorrow. I can’t see him face to face, I can’t feel him next to me, I can’t touch his soft body, but I can hear him and read his thoughts and that is what makes this desire inspire me inside. I have always felt the desire to be with someone who makes me laugh and who I know truly cares for me from deep inside. This is an intense desire that most people cannot comprehend. When Ronnie was younger he was thrown in and out of foster homes because his parents had both died of cancer when he was under five years old. He never had a role model who was constantly there for him, and throughout his teenage years he continued to make wrong decisions that almost costed him life in prison. He was given a second chance and he proved himself to a lot of people including me. Until one of his old friends showed up at our house one evening and pulled a gun on him. Ronnie reacted immediately just like anyone would do, the two of them wrestled each other to the ground to try and get the gun away from Luke and Bang, it went off shooting Luke in the leg. The sound of the ambulance echoed miles away and when the police arrived Luke blamed everything on Ronnie. Luke told the cops that Ronnie pulled the gun on him at point blank and shot him. Now the desire to turn back time repeats itself everyday because I can only hear his voice over a collect call from two hundred and thirteen miles away. I can only read his thoughts through his many letters written in a day’s time. We can still connect with each other like no one else can. I have a yearning everyday to make the most out of life and to keep moving forward with my companion Ronnie faithfully, and loyally everyday. I have always wondered how people can waste their precious time and wait for someone when they are sent away, or how a person in their right mind can get married when the other person is locked up. That to me was purely insane. Now I am persistently walking in their shoes, waiting as the evening grows dark and I can cross off another day on the calendar. I wait for the clock to keep slowly ticking and moving forward with the same desire that inspires me each and everyday.
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