I’m Confused

Elizabeth - Western Springs, Illinois
Entered on September 8, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

I have no idea what I believe

The only reason I wrote this essay was because I had to. This paper has caused me more grief than anything else I have ever written for school. Already I have had two sleepless nights, four draughts of this paper, practically a bottle of asprin, and a migraine headache. Now, it’s five o’ clock the night before this paper is due and I have only just figured out what it is that I believe. I can now say with almost perfect certainty that I believe that I have absolutely no idea what I believe in.

This upcoming political season has made life almost unbearable for me. Already I have been told to believe in global warming, the war in Iraq, Alexander the Great’s positive effect on Asia, Senator Obama, women’s rights, Senator McCain, and Ghosts. I am never safe, not even at school or with my family. Even last year before all the political debate had started, I walked into English every day only to be told by my teacher to take his political stance. What was worse, he would read from his political books, have us listen to his political talk shows, laugh at his political jokes, and even then be obnoxious enough to believe that any opposing viewpoint was wrong. Yet, whereas most students hated him, I had absolutely no opinion of him what so ever. For weeks I stewed over why I didn’t despise him like everybody else. My recent epiphany has helped me realize exactly why this was. I don’t know what the heck I believe or why I am here.

For those of us who have convictions out their ears, I suppose my new opinion is sacrilege, but consider this: Isn’t it better to live your life with no sense of direction at all, than to live the constant headache that I’ve been living over one boring school paper? Well, I don’t think so. I also take into account that I am 15 years old and that I have plenty of time to find something to believe in. For now, however, I will merely accept that I am a kid, that I have no perception or experience, that I lack the maturity to understand the real issues, and that I have no idea what I believe.