Maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad. I don’t mean this in some morbid way. But maybe it’s simpler than those over-produced, absolutely devastating, shaky camera-ed, Hollywood slasher movies portray it. Maybe it’s painless. Maybe it’s serene. Reminiscent. Tranquil.
Or perhaps the eyes truly do roll back in the head as the body convulses and blood drizzles from the nasal cavities.
And then what? What happens after that last peaceful moment or after a tense, trembling body is finally at ease?
The idea first came to me in a dream. I’ve always thought that dreams have an underlying meaning, like a subconscious revelation. The significant part of the dream starts with me curled up in the fetal position, cornered in a dark room. I am being held at gunpoint. Fear engulfs my entire being. Panic, disorder, races through every nerve I had in me, tingling the tips of my fingers and toes. It was real. I became so terrified that suddenly a new state of mind came over me. A lull of instant assurance. I felt relieved, no longer frightened; and I told myself not to be afraid because this I knew was coming. And I was suddenly ready. Death will never pardon anyone; it may be one of the only things life can guarantee.
Living your life in fear of your death is like living your life hiding from the police in $30 a night motels across the country, chain-smoking day and night with the curtains closed tightly. Just living in the dark, and waiting; but we all know how this film sadly ends. Human nature is survival. It’s instinctive from the very beginning. But in the end, we are living to die. So why fear the reaper? Why not live your life blissfully doing what you love and making your mark in the world along the way, accepting that one day your breathing, moving, living body will soon be absent. Maybe there’s something far more interesting on the other side. Or maybe there’s nothing, which leaves no room for regret, either.
Granted, I am not one of those reckless teenagers who end up on life support because they were too strung out to remember that Edward J. Claghorn invented seatbelts. I truly value my life. And it feels good to say that. I love seeing. I love feeling. I love learning. Hell, I love crying. But at the same time I can’t live my life with hesitation. Because one thing I will always believe in is that all good things come to an end.
Don’t fear the reaper.
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