Believing in Believing

Kelleen - USA
Entered on August 27, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: hope

What is it that I believe in? There are so many things to believe in, like love, faith, kindness, happiness, intelligence, and life. There are some people who believe in just one thing like hope and unfortunately, some who believe in nothing. But what do I truly believe in? I believe in believing.

My father is a manager of manufacturing engineers. He’s a researcher and a scientist, and he is expensive and a luxury. When I reached the age of 10, my father had already had 5 jobs. When he got laid off again for the sixth time, it was the longest he had ever been laid off. Dad didn’t even get another job for about a year and a half. We had no money, were buried in bills, and my mother was under a lot of stress. My family was falling apart, and at the time I had no idea how hard it was for my parents.

During the summer before sixth grade, I was trying to fit my own life together. Because we had no money left, I was forced to switch from my parochial school to the public schools. I was going through hard times myself. I had no money for new clothes or school supplies. I felt alone in the world because no one would be friends with me because I had no money. I started going into massive depression. I stopped eating for a while, and at home I would cry or sometimes I would cut the tops of my legs. I was having problems at home and school, and I thought there was no where to turn.

The time finally came when we had run out of money. It was winter and we were two weeks away from foreclosure on the house. My world was closing and I was slipping deeper into depression. Then I got the revelation I needed. I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom when I heard the song “Believe” from the Polar Express. I thought about what it was saying. It wasn’t so much of the song as the word. Believe.

I was in such bad shape because I didn’t have any hope. I didn’t really believe that we would be ok or that things would get better. I kept forgetting that the money didn’t matter and that I was what people made friends with, not my money. I started to really try to see the best in things and to try and make things brighter for myself.

I came up with a quote to go along with this idea. “A man who believes in nothing shall do nothing and be nothing. But the man who believes in anything will have everything.” Basically if you believe in anything at all you will at least be believing and that is all that can help you survive the harshness of our cruel world. This is so important to me, and I feel it’s important to everyone else too.