How Love can be Revealed

Joshua - Fort Ann, New York
Entered on August 6, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: purpose, setbacks

How Love Can Be Revealed:

In life, things happen that we have no control over. For some, they accept not being able to do anything and move on, while others find it difficult to cope with or handle these situations, such as when a year ago a close friend of mine was killed in a car accident. The loss of a close friend such as her had a detrimental effect on me and subsequently I began using drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. From then on, this course of action went on for a long while; I was doing nothing but drinking and doing drugs. It eventually came to a point where I knew I had to stop. I wanted to stop, but the will to was there for only fleeting moments at a time, and that’s when I met someone who could pull me out of that hell hole of a world back to the not so perfect, yet better, one I had known.

For some people, not having control over certain aspects of their life can be a very big fear. With me, I knew I had no control over the accident and the ultimate death of one of my closest friends. I had never expected to receive a phone call from another friend, telling me of what happened. The ironic thing is, I talked to her just the day before the accident. It’s surprising how fast and quickly things can happen, and how I became bewildered and had no idea of what to do or think.

So it was for me, and I resorted to drinking alcohol and using drugs. I know this was not a smart move, but it was easily accessible for me and easy to use. The drugs and alcohol replaced the feelings of sadness and anger I was feeling. I was angry at the fact my friend had died, angry I couldn’t do anything to have prevented what had happened, saddened and shocked for experiencing the first real loss of someone close to me in my life. These feelings led me to indulge in mind-numbing substances, to shield me from the pain I couldn’t escape from. Eventually, this course of action led to me dropping out of school, I couldn’t bear to be in that place, walk the halls that she had walked, seeing her locker each day, decorated in remembrance. These sights only furthered my will to abuse the drugs and alcohol.

However, there was someone I met, a girl, a month before I dropped out. She changed my outlook on life; she gave me the will and determination to walk off the path of destruction I was on. With her, the sensations I gained from drinking and drugs were substituted instead with her caring, love, support and determination to see me become again what I was before everything happened, back to what made her fall for me in the first place. She stopped me from destroying myself and becoming worse off than what I would’ve been if she hadn’t come into my life. I am always at ease with her, and never worried as much as I use to. She is my new drug; an angel, a savior.

We have no control over the things and events that happen in our lives. It’s fate. Even though it still pains me to recall the memories I shared with my fiend killed in the car accident, I can’t stop but think that it all happened for a reason, so that the girl who helped me to change could come into my life, so that I could be with her and enjoy the life I have and live it to the fullest. To me, it seems tragedy and love shadow each other; you can’t have one without the other. In this case, it took a tragedy for my eyes to be opened to the joys of loving and having the love of another.