Bi Exclusion

Christine - SLC, Utah
Entered on July 30, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

Many gays and lesbians resent self-identifying bisexuals claiming we muddy the waters of our nation’s debate. The political fight for many gay men and women, particularly those who desire a legally recognized same sex marriage, rests on the argument that discrimination is based on the immutability of their orientation. Of course, this logic is flawed if carried to the extreme. Because something is immutable does not make it moral or desirable. If it did, there would be no need to rehabilitate child sex offenders. However, none of us should be discriminated against because of whom we fall in love with, male, female, or both.

My bisexuality is immutable, however I don’t consider myself a victim of my genes, but of the prejudices of my own community.

When I confided my bisexuality to another female she said, “You’re so lucky, you have more people to choose from and you get the best of both worlds.”

While I agree with this statement in theory the truth of my life is far from it. While watching a movie with my lesbian friend I commented on a male actor’s attractiveness I was told to, “Pick a team!” Had she said, “I don’t care for male bodies much…” it wouldn’t have seemed an affront to my person, but simply a matter of taste.

The group which seems most receptive to bi women is you guessed it, heterosexual men. This is in part because they can relate to the experience of finding a woman’s body erotic and also because bi is often translated as poly (many loves). Bisexuality does not signify acceptance of any or all sexual behaviors, as with monosexual identities bisexuality refers to the role of gender in sexual attraction, and not to the role of sexual acts and behaviors.

Bisexual men are perhaps the most discriminated against. Often labeled as closeted homosexuals they get slammed from both sides; those who think they should limit their sexual prowess to members of the opposite sex and science which defines male sexuality by the circumference of one’s penis while viewing sexual images. Bisexual women sometimes complain about the stereotypical way they are represented on TV (bi today gone tomorrow); bisexual men don’t even have a representative. Two men doing an intimate scene together won’t sell air time or improve ratings.

Apart from the bias of our individual bias just taking into account – we live in a world where beauty is largely measured by exterior qualities – I begin to see why loving “violinists” as opposed to “male or female musicians” is difficult for a monosexual to wrap their mind around.

Physical beauty and sexual desirability can extend to all body forms, shapes and sizes. I don’t mean to imply that bisexuals are attracted to everyone and anyone at all times, but rather that an appreciation of diversity recognizes love as a many splendored thing.

I believe the bi community represents inclusion and a willingness to be true to self.