This I Believe . . .
Until last year, I was in a relationship that began when I was fourteen years old. It was a cold day, come December 9, 2001, when I met this guy named Kendall. I met him through a friend, so I guess it was like a blind date. I can still remember what I was wearing, a blue turtle neck sweater, blue jeans, and a pair of brown lace up boots. We went to a Christmas party at his mother’s house. I suddenly became a strong believer in love at first sight. I did not know this, that day; but looking back at that day, I knew it from the beginning. From that day until November of 2007, we were in what people call an on and off-again relationship. We went through things that other couples so young could not even imagine.
Kendall joined the military two months before I came off to college. He joined the Marines and our lives as we knew it, changed forever. We had our first big fight in September of 2004. Before I could even settle into college, I received a phone call from his mother telling me that he was going to be deployed to Iraq and he was getting married over Thanksgiving break to a girl that went to his high school. I felt my heart drop that day. I did not know where this came from; I thought for sure our fight would come back around and end up okay again, as our little arguments did. He changed after he joined the military. Everything changed from his physical appearance, to the feeling when he put his arms around me, and even his heart and morals that I use to know like the back of my hand. I was confused about this man that I had loved for so long. I felt as though my heart belonged to a stranger. I was so shocked. I had no idea what to do from there. I sat and cried, laughed then cried, laid down at night then cried some more. I was heartbroken and devastated. Two weeks before the wedding, I received another phone call, this time not from his mother, but from him. He told me that he was so sorry and he had made a mistake. He said that nobody else knew, but he wanted to tell me first that he was making a mistake and calling the wedding off. “It should be you I am marrying, not her.”
I cried and wondered if he was serious. How could he come so close to marrying someone after all that we had been through? He said he just got scared when he was told he had to deploy and we weren’t on speaking terms. I will never understand his motive. After that day, I did not hear from him for a couple of weeks; again I was confused. I knew the date, place, and time he was suppose to be married. After what he told me, I was certain he wasn’t going to marry her. My mom woke me up that morning and wanted to spend the day with me, she knew that this was hard for me. She took me shopping and out for lunch, then to a movie; Christmas with the Kranks. We got back home about an hour before the wedding started.
I remember her telling me not to go; it would be like rubbing salt in an open wound. However, I am hard headed, and I went anyway. My best friend, Suzanne, and I went to the church. It was very near my house. We sat in the parking lot staring at a glass church. Why did it have to be a glass church? I watched everything that evening; the walk down the aisle, the kiss to seal the deal, and the walk together to start their lives together. You would have thought after that day, he would have been out of my life, but that wasn’t the case.
Kendall left for Iraq weeks after his marriage. Weeks after his deployment, his wife filed for separation papers, but did not tell him until a couple of months before he came home. They had a joint account and she was taking all of his money. When I say all of his money, I mean Kendall came home after 9 months of deployment with one hundred and 75 dollars!
His wife told him she was leaving him through an email. In Iraq they call these letters Dear John letters. It was only a matter of weeks before he reached me through instant messaging after she left him. He would leave little sayings on my instant messenger like “oh shit” or something else that would not make sense. At the time of receiving these messages, I did not know she had left him. Two months before he came home, I received a phone call and many more after that. I did not yell at him for what he did to me or ask him why he did all of those things to me! Instead I listened, I comforted him and yes after he came home and his separation was legally filed, we got back together. He was like an addiction or a disease now that I look back; but he needed me then and in a painful way, I needed him.
Needless to say we were together through the next two deployments. The worst part was when he was home; I was constantly wondering when he would leave me again. I never really accepted what he did to me when he married her. I never truly forgot, but I tried so hard to forgive him. November 17, 2006 I broke up with him for the last time. Until this past May, we kept in touch and still talked about what could have been. We even went on occasional dates together. May 7, 2008 I decided to end everything. I could not continue this circle of pain and confusion. We have not talked since that day and out of my surprise I met someone.
All of my life I could not find anyone that could compare to Kendall. I went to play pool for my birthday and I saw this guy that was so cute. Tall, curly hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and he were watching me too. When the clock struck midnight, everyone wished me a happy birthday, including the guy that I had my eye on. We talked and switched numbers, and the next day we talked some more. Since midnight of my birthday we have been inseparable.
His name is Will and he is the best thing that has happened to me. I have no doubts that his feelings are real and so am mine. Our relationship has become serious in a short amount of time. I can not describe in words how I feel for him. I know that I have not been with him long, but I feel for him in ways that Kendall never made me feel.
I prayed for so long that Kendall and I would work out, but I do not hesitate to say that I am so thankful for this unanswered prayer. I thank God everyday for this broken road that has led me to where I am today. Will has opened my eyes to a new beginning that I can not wait to live each day to the fullest. I believe the feelings I have for him are the feelings that can heal any heart, and start a love that is true!
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