This I Beleive

Kim - Canyon Lake, California
Entered on July 12, 2008

This I Believe

I believe a single moment can shape your life.

I believe in the power of a single heart beat skipping, the moments that awaken, surprise, identify, frighten, and change a person in irreversible ways. At age 11 I had quickly seen the harsh reality of life, and experienced a moment, a single moment, a single heart beat skipped, the whole world stopped, and I suddenly realized this world was not one made of candied houses covered in lollipops anymore. No. Life was full of death, despair, and regrets, or so I thought with my naïve 11 year old mind. My father’s death will remain a life altering moment for eternity, but the moment of firsthand witnessing his dead body will remain engraved in my mind forever. The process of understanding loss is painful. At 11 years old I discovered the process and reality of life. We live and we die.

It wasn’t until the beginning of my junior year that I really understood the impact this single moment has on my life, my feelings, thoughts, and overall outlook on life. I am unique. I understand how important these simple seemingly miniscule moments in life are. I understand loss. I understand moments are precious. I also understand these moments are often taken for granted. The moments spent with the people we love should never be mandatory, but as a special gift from God, that He allowed this amazing person into my life, even if only for 11 years. My Daddy’s death allowed me to never take anything for granted.

I believe in never allowing miniscule special moments to pass by carelessly.

I have been sent a curse and a gift. Experiencing grief and the memories of my Dad keep me strong. I believe a single moment, while paralyzingly painful can strengthen a person beyond there own capacity. With this strength I cut off all sources of pain, including love, and failed to notice the very person I hold dearest in my heart, my mommy.

I believe my mommy is the most brave, intelligent, endearing person I know.

My Mom is my hero. She is a strong person and never ceases to amaze me. My mom even through her husband’s (my dads) death remained strong. I have concluded that my mother knows everything. I envy my mother’s passion, commitment, intelligence, accomplishments, strength, and most of all her heart. I just wish someday I can be half the person she is.

I believe in love, I believe in loss, and I believe in the power of a single moment.