I Believe In Living In Forgiveness

Micah - Honolulu, Hawaii
Entered on July 10, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

If you are someone who has never lied and regretted it, you can stop listening. If you are someone who has never hurt someone you love, you may not find this interesting at all. If you know what it feels like when your heart feels numb, but is still aching, then keep listening.

What I am about to tell you is based on the ultimate betrayal, but that’s not this is all about. At the end of every dispute, there are always two options. Assuming there is the usual pathetic apology, you can choose to either; A: Take the easy way out, stay angry, and eventually lose that relationship. Or B; Forgive that someone even though you risk additional pain. Pain so avoidable, that the mere thought of ever receiving it is simply unbearable. This is about the latter, and why I believe in living my life in forgiveness.

To start off, I must tell you that I am the one being forgiven, for my regrettable deed. I, like many other teens, had a traditional summer fling. However this fling grew into a steady relationship that lasted up until the next summer. Everything was going well until it came to my knowledge that I would not be seeing my girlfriend for the next two months due to trips she was taking out of country. This distance between us meant phone calls weren’t allowed. Ultimately, disconnecting us for that whole summer. We promised we would both stay faithful, a promise that I would not be able to keep.

About a month and a half went by and I had already been through depression, anger, sadness, and every other emotion related to pain. Until then I didn’t know what it meant to truly wish for death. Until then I didn’t know that even the sweetest food could taste bitter, mixed with the taste of fresh tears leaking from the eyes into the sides of quivering lips. Until then I didn’t know an empty room could be so deafening. But there really was nothing I could do. Now it was more just of a matter of time until my one true love returned home to me. Unfortunately I would not last those last two weeks.

I had a friend who was playing summer baseball with me. His sister would come watch all our games. What was usually casual conversation slowly turned into aggressive flirting. Before I could take in what I was getting myself into, I found myself at the movies with her. It was then that I realized that I could not follow through with actually cheating on the one I who has never done me wrong. I told the girl that I had a girlfriend, and that I couldn’t continue seeing her anymore.

In a way I felt like I had dodged a bullet, but I knew I had to come clean to my trusting girlfriend. Even though there was no way she would ever find out, I felt I owed it to her that I tell her everything that had happened in her two month absence. Finally the day came when she returned home to me. It was then I immediately confessed everything I had done. As expected, she cried, told me she couldn’t believe I would do such a thing, that she thought I loved her, and every other thing I expected to hear. She then left me, promising never talk to me again. A promise I felt she would always keep.

Weeks passed and I was a wreck. After buckets of tears, and a bunch of broken possessions later, I decided I had to call her. She did not answer for the first week. But after my persistent callings, and pathetic voice messages, she finally answered and let me say what I had to say. I gushed everything that I had wanted to say. I started with how much I resented myself for my actions and how much she meant to me, and every other thing I could think of that could possibly convince her to forgive me. She remained silent the whole time and when I was finally done with my what seemed like a summer long apology, she simply said, “Okay, we can try again.” This was incredibly divine of her. She so easily could have just tossed me aside, for that’s exactly what I deserved. However, she chose to forgive me, and for that I cherish her, and still continue to do so till this day. Although we are no longer together, I still keep a note from her hidden in my wallet, as a way for me to always remember her forgiveness. If she had decided to take the easy way out, my heart would have been forever numb, but aching. However, she did choose the latter, changing my life forever. This is why I believe in living my life in forgiveness.