For what I did wrong, I am greatful for what I got

Lelia - Boothbay Harbor, Maine
Entered on July 3, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: forgiveness

I believe in second chances. My whole life I always tried to do things right the first time, but for me that never happened. I always needed a second chance so I could make up for what I did wrong, so I could learn from those mistakes that I created. I needed him to believe in me, to trust me.

It all started when I went on a vacation with a friend. We had fought and argued. I wanted to go different ways, or so I thought so at the time. I did something wrong, something to hurt him, and to hurt myself. It brought tears to his eyes. I cried for hours. I though I blew it. He kept pounding those words “I don’t know anymore,” over and over again. Please and I don’t know was the only thing that seemed to come out of my mouth. I was speechless. He would ask a question and all I would say was “ I don’t know, I don’t know!” I screamed, I yelled. I lied down on the floor and just cried. I was disgusted; I was scared, mad at myself. Not only was I mad at myself, I was mad at the world for no particular reason. I was angry with everyone else for something that I did. This was the feeling that I never though that I would feel before, but I did.

I knew it was wrong. It never hit me until later, until after, until I saw him. I wish that I could go back, but I cant. This is one of those things that I have to learn from. I hate this feeling, knowing that I gained my trust with him, and then just threw it away. I need that second chance to prove to him that what I did was not who I was. I needed it to prove to him that he could trust me again. I didn’t want to take what we had and just flush it down the drain, because to him that is what it felt like I was doing.

At one point I felt like we were back to point one, to where we hated each other. I can remember making him dance with a girl, and for that he hated me. Or the times that I would go to my friends house, which would be his house too and go though his bag, or peek though the window and try to spy on him. Until I came out of my immature stage, he hated me.

We had our ups and down throughout our relationship. We both screwed up here and there, but it was nothing big. He reminds me of how I screwed up, using it against me. I get mad when he reminds me, but I have to refresh my memory that we are still together, that he did not break up with me when he should have. I cherish the great times that we have together, making each other laugh and so on. If he had never given me my second chance, I would hate myself for throwing what we had away. I believe in second chances because sometimes people make mistakes. My mistake was huge for the second chance he has given me, but I am grateful that he did.