Longed To See
The thing I longed to see my whole life happened to me in a matter of moments. It changed my life forever.
My three sisters and I are packed in the back seat of our parent’s car driving up the coast to Los Angeles. We gazed out of the windows looking at the ocean. We saw blue and green waves. We felt the hot wind blowing on our faces. All of a sudden I heard shouting “Look Look!” My family in the car was going wild. I couldn’t see anything. I start getting anxious so I yelled, “What! What is it?” My sisters where pointing, laughing, smiling, eyes gleaming, and screaming, “Dolphins! Dolphins!” I was so mad, furious, and hurt with myself that I didn’t see them. I never forgot that drive to Los Angeles. Ever since that day I became infatuated with the ocean and seeing dolphins in the wild.
Years later, sitting in a truck in Santa Barbara, my senses enticed while eating the best sandwich of my life and looking over the ocean, I could see miles out. I could see Sterns Wharf and the light waves crashing blue and green on the warm sand. I was with a woman that I had only known for a few months, but had strong feelings for her. We were talking, eating, laughing, and throwing our chips out of the windows, feeding the huge seagulls. This was fun for me. Before I knew it we had about fifty seagulls around and on top of the truck. I put my hand out of the window, not realizing I had a chip in my hand. All of a sudden I felt a huge seagull swoop down and take the chip out my hand. I screamed so loud it startled me. I couldn’t contain myself; I was laughing so hard I had to excuse myself and go to the restroom.
When I got back to the truck and collected myself, I began engaging in a conversation with my women friend once again. I was eating my sandwich when I blurted out, not confidently, “Are those dolphins?” She says to me nonchalantly, “Ya,” with this sexy look on her face. I was flabbergasted and speechless. I sat there watching three dolphins jumping out the water and playing with one another. I sat, holding my tears back watching these dolphins. I had never felt so free before in my life.
I held on to this dream of seeing dolphins for so long it made sense to me now after all these years. I had longed for freedom and acceptance for a long time; the freedom and acceptance I felt when I saw my dolphins. Seeing these dolphins made me realize that I need to be me. I can’t please people and allow myself to live miserably and in fear. The day I saw my dolphins is the day I found, accepted, and began loving me.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.