my world is different now!

andrea - 93454, California
Entered on July 2, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: parenthood

My world is different now!

I believe becoming a mother empowered me to reach my goals and become a better person; if I did not have my children I would not see life as I see it now.

When I had my first child I truly had no idea the power that it was going to have on me as a person. All my life it was all about me I was the most selfish little girl that you would ever meet, I did not care about anything or anyone but myself. I didn’t know this would ever change until I had my little monkey Jacob, as soon as I held him for the first time, I had a feeling of being overwhelmed with something I had never experienced, as if I now had to be responsible. Although I new it throughout my pregnancy, it did not hit me until I held my son for the first time.

Soon after having my son I realized the nasty judgment that young mothers like myself have to face. I never even thought about it until it happened to me. I once had a lady tell me about how her eighteen year old daughter had just given birth and how she was furious with her. I asked myself “how is it possible that you could be mad at something like that?” She then went on to tell me that she would have hopped she had a son and that maybe she would not have to deal with this mess. At that moment I new that I never wanted to think that way, and although I badly wanted to speak my mind, I had to keep my mouth shut; I knew that nothing I said would make her change her mind. I could only hope that she would realize how blessed she was to be a grandmother and that her daughter needed her more than ever.

Everyday is a struggle for me. I push through and tell myself that I can do whatever I want, and firmly believe that. The joy on my children’s faces keep me going, when I am feeling down. I know that I have to be a good person and give them a good example. That is why I decided to go back to school and show them that it is never too late to go after your dreams it fills me with joy when my son says “Mommy, I want to go to school with you” At four years old he understands that mommy goes to school.

As I discovered this new me, I stared thinking differently and surrounding myself with positive things, and although at times it can be hard to think positively, I know I have to. My goal is to become a Registered Nurse. I would love to be a labor and delivery nurse and help other women bring there little miracles into the world.