Solid As A Rock

oscar - oceano, California
Entered on June 22, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

After struggling with alcohol abuse for many years,I believe my commitment to sobriety is rock solid because I don’t want to lose my job again. I rode my bike to the bar after work on a sunny afternoon. I think I’m going to maintain control because I have the strategy down to a science. I order a pint of beer and three fish tacos. I make sure to eat while I drink to soak up the alcohol a little bit. I have a good job and I don’t want to go back to jail for drinking. I want to feel like a normal human being that can go out and have a few drinks and go on with life without any problems. I know the tricks. Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Exercise a few times a week. I’m good. I work hard. I deserve it. It’s one in the morning and it’s freezing. I need a ride home. Thank God my friend pulls into the 7-11. He’s giving me a ride home but I need more beer. I walk into my house carrying a 6 pack of Moosehead and a 6 pack of Heineken. I wake up ready to work. I feel fuzzy from the night before but I still go to work because I’m a soldier. I see the beers on the carpet in my room and decide to crack a beer. I turn on some music which pumps me up for work. I’m raging. I have enormous energy right now. My co-worker picks me up and suggests I shouldn’t go to work but I’m stubborn. I’m riding a wave of alcohol energy and I’m unstoppable. I’m tearing through work as I run out to the work van where I have my stash and drink more. I don’t bother to stop because I made the decision not to when I cracked the first beer at home. My boss asked a co-worker what was wrong with me. He could tell I wasn’t acting normal. He told him to take me home, but I refused. He then came to the job site and took me home. On the way home I told him that we all drink and smoke on the job. I don’t remember saying this but my co-worker told me the boss said I did. I felt so ashamed ratting the guys out. I can’t go back to work with my head held high knowing I broke the code of silence. I broke their trust. My co-worker thinks he’s a tough guy and he looked like he wanted to fight me. The boss said he’d call me in two weeks, but he didn’t. I haven’t bothered to call him either. I’m embarrassed. I feel like that was the last straw for me because I don’t want alcohol to be an issue ever again.