I believe people should be happy with who they are. Growing up I always knew there was something different about me. I would be lying if I said I could not put my finger on it. I knew it since I was about the age of three. It is something that I struggled with the older I got. This “thing” that I am speaking of is my homosexuality.
Yes, I am a homosexual! I was raised in a very religious home, where homosexuality was thought to be immoral. I grew up not knowing many people like me, probably due to the fact that I am from a small town. It is unsafe to be out in a small town, thus I feel that small towns probably the largest number of closet cases. Writing this essay right now is hard for me, because I fear that you might judge me negatively. That is probably one of the hardest things about this lifestyle, and no, I did not choose this.
I believe I was born this way. It is my belief that God created me this way, as cruel as I used to think of it this way. I was always a good boy, and I prayed for years that he would change me. I used to ask both God and myself why he would do this to me. I probably thought this way until about the age nineteen.
At age nineteen, I finally started practicing being the person I was destined to be, and the person I had suppressed for so many years. What a lot of people do not understand is due to many peoples’ negative views of homosexuals; gays and lesbians have to suppress who they are for many years. It is one of the most dreadful pains, and I would not wish it on anyone.
Going to college and meeting people just like me really helped me, as has participating in counseling. My therapist helped me know I was not crazy, and helped me come out to the person whom I thought it would be the hardest person to come out to, my mother. Thank God she was understanding, and she is getting better as the years go by.
I finally found love after being lonely, and having meaningless relationships outside of my family. I have loving friends who love me for the person I have always been, and I have found the person who I am pretty sure is my life partner. He is my family because we love each other, we grow together and we look out for each other. My first crush in kindergarten was a boy, and now after 21 years on earth I am in love with a man.
I believe this is my destiny, and this is the life that is mapped out for me. I have fully accepted the person I am, and the life I am living. I am happy, and all I can do is live my life to the fullest.
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