The Past Future

Raquel - Hollywood, Florida
Entered on June 13, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe in past events that can ultimately change who you are. The actions that happened in my life and how they have changed the person that I am today. The moments I cried. The times when I felt alone. Happy times. Good times. Lovable times.

At 12 years old I arrived to middle school with new adventures on my mind. I was awakened by students who wore new shoes, hairstyles, and clothes which really mattered in this school. But I was never the girl who could afford those things so I stuck out like a sore thumb. As I walked down the halls of what seemed like a red carpet, I felt so uncomfortable.

I hung out with the popular girls but I always felt left out. They had everything a young girl could dream of. Designer jeans, colorful nails, and nice jewelry. They said a lot of jokes and boys drooled over them, but they never even stared my way. Many times I tried to get noticed by laughing crazily or sitting close to the guys but that never worked. They did not like my style so they never paid any attention to me. I thought that hanging out with those girls would boost up my self esteem and get people to like me but that never happened. I felt like such a loser around those celebrity types of girls and no matter what I said or did, I could not feel better.

Days, weeks, and months went by and I began to feel so depressed. None of my friends knew that behind my smile I was truly hurting. Hurting to be liked. Hurting to be cared for. Hurting to be hugged in school by someone, anyone. Thoughts of suicide complimented my pain and I was so confused. In those days the past really crippled me.

Finally, I became a joyful person in high school because I learned from my depression. I learned that everyone is different and it is okay to stand out because when I stand out, it makes people wonder more about me. The emotions and thoughts I had, made room for better days. On May 12, 2004, I met the love of my life. His name is Michael and he could not have come at a better time in my life. He brought me flowers on my birthday, he gave me hugs, kisses, and we got to know each other so much that depression had no room in my life. My past hurts and pain was then buried inside of me.

No more will I let today determine tomorrow. I will let yesterday make me a better person today. I believe in past events that can ultimately change who you are. The events that happened in my life and how they have changed the person that I am today. The moments I cried. The times When I felt alone. Happy times. Good times. Lovable times.