Someone once said to me “ Perception is Reality”. This statement made perfect sense to me when applying it as a concept for business or a consumer’s behavior. I still believe to this day that this statement is true. Today this statement means more to me than ever.
My personal epiphany began when I discovered my friend, lover and wife of twenty years had fallen in love with another man. Her love for this person was not based in a mid life crisis or a physical affair but one born from the need of attention, regard and respect.
As I am sure many men do, I stopped expressing my feelings of love and regard for my wife. Instead I substituted them for what I felt were more significant gestures in my actions. I have long believed actions speak louder than words. I chose to take for granted that she realized and understood my commitment, my love and devotion. What I did not realize was that she needed me to be there with her to listen, to share and ultimately, to be happy.
At the base of my core as an individual, who I had always thought myself to be was my relationship with her. My perception of who I was, who I needed to be, who I wanted to be and of course who I thought I needed to be was distorted. This perception was my reality.
In an effort to be a model husband, father and family leader, I chose the rigid and practical path to be who I thought I needed to be.
Believing my actions were sincere I couldn’t understand how she could fall in love with another.
After a year of heartbreak, confusion, counseling and deep soul searching I remembered why I fell in love with this person in the first place. Because she loved me for who I WAS, not who I had become.
A life of responsibility had changed me. I was not happy either. I realized the reason for this was due to my unwillingness to let my heart guide my decisions and actions.
It also made me realize that her perception of us had changed as well.
I am not sad any longer. I am glad to have had the wonderful past that we had together. I am now sure that what we had was something that no other will ever share with me. It is also possible that no other man will share with her what we have experienced together.
I am sure she will be happy again just not in the same way.
I still love her. Now, as my best friend in the world. Someone I regard more than any other I have known. I wish her the true happiness she deserves. I will remember this time in my life as a wonderful segment of living. All she gave to me and graced me with.
I believe she will look back as well with a fondness at our time together as a couple.
I believe that both of our lives are better for this experience. Love is only blind if you choose to let it be.
Instead of choosing regret, I choose a new perception of good fortune to have had this wonderful relationship. I believe our time together has not actually ended yet but simply evolved to be something better for both of us. I also know that this is something most folks never have. Instead of facing the future with tears of sadness I will reflect with fondness of these memories. I hope her perception will be the same. This Perception can be a wonderful Reality if you permit it.