Even in the storm there is light.

Sarah - Park City, Utah
Entered on June 7, 2008

When you look in the mirror you see someone looking back at you. This person who ever it may be, you either come to hate, love, or adore. For me this person I see looking back is a girl, who on the outside you see, could never fall or crack with the shell of a turtle. But looking in through the eyes there is something more. In the eyes I see that she does not know who she really is, what she has become. A girl that has lost something but told no one, so in this fight to push through the pain has lost herself.

I believe that there is a beacon in the storm for every one.

I was in an emotional storm of sorts. The kind that I didn’t know what to do with my thoughts. They overtook me. I would spend hours in my room listening to music, pouring out my soul on paper. And even then it was not enough. In the dark where no one could see I would cry my self to sleep or just lie there having some of my deepest thoughts until sleep came over me. But the next day at school with deeply shadowed eyes from the thoughts that tormented me till I was too weak to fight. I was not that person from the night before. I was Sarah who she regularly was. Happy and spunky, no one knew. Only to have something happen that I felt I could tell no one, especially my parents because I did not want to be associated with my cousin, who messed up his life with drugs. I kept on writing.

This was only one of the forms of beacons. The others were more personal. People that I talked to. Just ones that seemed to understand and get who I was. I came to them with wet eyes, and a fractured soul. They sat and listened with open arms and heart. And they never seemed to get tired of me no matter how many times I came back upset or to just share something really, really cool. These two women are the most amazing people I have met. And ironically they both have the same initials. D. C.

Now next year I’m probably going to loose touch of these beacons, but I’m praying we can stay in touch because they have both made such a large impact on my life. And I have had trouble dealing with the fact that it will be much harder to be with them. I just never want to loose them.

I only want people to understand who I am, and I am afraid to be looked down upon, as we all are. Only now you know a little better a part of who I am. And only until you know everything you can’t judge or say anything. I believe everything will be ok in the end, if it’ not ok, it’s not the end.