All You Need is Love…
What changes from the word abortion to adoption? If you take it literally, there’s only two letters that are altered. But in reality, there are worlds of difference. For two words that sound so incredibly similar, it’s ironic how unbelievably different they really are–one is a process of tragically ending life, the other is a process of nurturing life and love in a supportive environment.
I am the product of a successful adoption. I was born here in Traverse City to a woman who was twenty-one years old. She didn’t know who my birth father was and she was still in college, working multiple jobs. She smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and even being pregnant with me didn’t stop that. Now don’t get me wrong–I owe her my life. Without her, there is no way that I would even be here today. But I am, because she knew better. And she knew that she couldn’t give me the kind of life she felt I deserved.
So my birthmom chose to do something about it. She took the situation into her own hands, and found an adoption agency which in the end arranged for me to go to a family with two loving parents. My parents were not able to have kids of their own and after trying for several years, they looked into the option of adopting. And then I came along! They have always told me that while we may not be connected by blood; our souls have always been connected.
It hasn’t always been easy. My birthmom chose a conservative open adoption, and she explicitly requested not to have any contact with me until I was a legal adult. I was hoping for a fairytale–that she would show up on my doorstep on my eighteenth birthday, present in hand, waiting to envelop me in the biggest hug. That didn’t happen–not even close. We’ve slowly started to learn about each other, through phone calls and emails, since she lives on the other side of the country now. She disappears completely every now and again and I won’t hear from her for a while, sometimes for months at a time, which is hard to understand. This year has surely been a struggle, discovering a new part of myself, a new part of my life that I had gone so long without. Writing has always been one of my outlets and during the process of building our relationship, I wrote this poem:
a petal falls
as the blossom fades
I know I’m faltering
stumbling for your praise
you dance through my dreams
the thought of you
intangible, and so very far away
heal your heart and come home
swirling madness here
the edge so close, end so near
stay with me now
all that I am, from you
to what don’t I owe you
and where would I be
the clouds would take me
and I’d be watching over you today
cold all over…
What I’ve learned throughout my eighteen years of life is that love is the answer. If I can affect just one person through my personal experience, that would be enough. To anyone who is considering giving their child up through abortion, it should be a no-brainer. Choose love. That’s all it takes. Choosing life does just that–continuing the process of love throughout the world. No matter what it takes, it will be worth it in the end. I have so many opportunities and experiences that would not be available to me without adoption. Figure skating, a private school, and now a private college would never have been a possibility. If abortion was the alternative–life wouldn’t even be a possibility. So, what do I believe? I believe in love. And I believe in life.
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