I Believe

Eric - Chula Vista, California
Entered on June 3, 2008

I Believe

I believe that you can never forget your past, only learn from it. I figured this out when I was going through a time in my life where all I wanted to do was pretend nothing happened or that I didn’t notice certain things and move on.

I had actually been doing this all my life until just recently. You see, I would always keep things bottled up inside me. Because I was afraid of showing my true feelings and being shunned by others.

I started this trend around… third grade. I used to be a real cry baby when I was young and hated it when I was alone. So I remember that I was crying again because I got into a fight with my sister. And she told me, “You’re such a stupid cry baby, everyone hates you when you cry. Be more like a guy and suck it up.” It may not have meant that much to me if it was anyone else saying that. But since it was her it meant a lot because she is a kind-of role model figure to me. She is one of those people that I always look up to and always will.

After she said this I decided that from then on I would never cry or show any sad emotions. I always kept everything inside and put on a fake smile so no one would notice that I’m sad. Then every once-in-a-while I would snap and yell at anyone and everyone around me for something small. Like bumping into me or using my pencil without asking. This only happened like once or twice every year. But it was still a big deal since sometimes I would want to hurt certain people or look back on all the bad things in my life and think about running away from home. Then I would yell at myself for being so stupid and pretty much just lower my self esteem more, since I knew that I would never actually do any of the things I thought about. Because I knew I had a great life and that I’m just being conceited and wimpy by trying to run away from my problems.

Recently I have begun to notice what good friends I have and started sharing my problems with them. After so long thinking it was girly and weird to want to talk about your feelings with other people. But they didn’t shun me or think I was girly or weird. Instead they tried to help me and in return shared their problems with me and I would help them with theirs.

While talking about the problems in their life and in my life too, I finally realized, I can try to forget about all my problems and put a fake smile on only to regret it later, Or I can learn from my past and my mistakes instead.

Which is why I believe that you can never forget your past, only learn from it.