Hopefully Focusing

Joanna - Middleville, Michigan
Entered on June 2, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Wednesday night from when I was 4 until I was 9 was spent in Tendercare nursing home. It was then that I decided what I want to do when I was an adult. Seeing the nurse’s run back and forth always determined and so relaxed at the same time became a thing I looked forward to seeing every week. This gave me hope as a child, because it made me think all I had to do was get through my childhood and then I could become as important as these nurses looked all the time.

Feeling unimportant, as a child is one of the hardest feelings growing up as a child. Even as you come to be an adult it is unexplainable. As a child feeling this you find role models to look forward to. You forget about their stress, unhappiness or hard times and focus on their determination, and how content life seemed for them. I grew up with a different childhood with different understanding and different experiences. My mom was in a nursing home and over 5 years and I slowly watched her get sicker until she passed away when I was 9. This is one of the reasons that I looked to nurses as mother like figures and that’s just what I wanted to be when I grew up, a mother figure to someone as lost as I was.

In order to achieve this goal of mine I figured I would need to do many things in order to become this motherly nurse I had looked up to for years. First of all, education came first. I knew in order to go to a good college with the money my family had, I would need to rely on scholarships and a good job to get me through. Secondly, God had to be number one if I wanted to succeed. God has been one of my biggest challenges to overcome as well as my biggest supporter at the same time. Lastly to achieve this goal I needed to figure out why this was my goal. Since my mom had died I had always said I wanted to go into the medical field but I didn’t know why. I needed to make the decision that this goal wasn’t just to fulfill my childhood’s absent motherly role but that I wanted this for me, and nothing else.

Right now I am 16 years old and trying to pursue this dream. I can focus on school but I am continuing to battle this struggle whether or not the nurse gig is a good niche for me. Volunteering at the hospital and interning for a class at school is a start, and you have got to start somewhere if you want to make your dreams come true. One of the coolest things I’m learning about myself is I still dream of the perfect car, the perfect boyfriend, and the money to buy that new shirt. The difference is these things are partly impossible and not ideal. I will continue to focus on the real things in life that are going to help me build a strong personality and not a strong lifestyle. Because your lifestyle can change from day to day but you never really veer too far from your true self and your dreams.