I believe everyday is a new begingging or death

Victor - San Diego, California
Entered on June 2, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

I believe that everyday is a new beginning or death.

I was only ten years old when I got involved with gang violence. I didn’t really know what you had to do but it was tight, well that’s what I heard. When I turned 13 I got jumped into a Mexican gang. It took 13 seconds for them to jump me in. I didn’t know why 13 until they told me. It represented the Mexicans because the 13th letter in the alphabet is M and M is for Mexican.

Everyday was the same until the day a car pulled over and started to fire, I ducked and it hit three of my homies in the back. That day I saw my homies die. I tried to revive them and had them in my arms begging God to please not take them but I realized it wasn’t a game, was reality. After that day my heart grew smaller and my respect grew bigger. Respect was all I wanted and heart was nothing to me. I didn’t cry; it didn’t hurt me seeing my mom cry for me because of my behavior, it was awful.

There was another day when one gang member came over to my turf at night. I saw him and whacked him with my bat. When I saw him on the floor it made me realize how much harm I was doing to people when he didn’t even do anything bad to me. Something was missing in my life and it wasn’t family love but it was “love” love.

I realized that when I met my girlfriend Jessica. She didn’t react to me like others did she looked at me with sadness that I was hurting myself and others. I saw she actually cared for me so I wasn’t going to lose that, so I got out and changed my life just for her. Everyday I thank god for sending me an angel to make me realize how happy life can be without any worries about dying and now I am still with my girl. I still believe everyday is a new beginning or death. But I thank god for my mom, my girl, and a new beginning.