I believe that even sick people no matter how bad their condition try to make others feel better and we should do the same even if we’re perfectly healthy.
My Grandma Lou was the best she would set me up a little blue table with a pink chair and slap dough on the tabletop so I could help her bake cookies. When I would get done playing on the back porch I would come inside to a small cup of goldfish and another small cup of milk. When we went shopping I didn’t have to ask for something she knew what I wanted. And the night before we were to head back to Texas she would pull out the sofa bed and throw billions of blankets on it and sleep with us until morning. We would play crazy 8’s and skip-bo with my auntie Barbara twenty four seven. My grandpa would ask us if we were done yet he needed the dinner table to be set in a few minutes and we would say give us a minute we’re almost done, but we would end up playing for at least another hour.
She had cancer and a craving for the card game crazy 8’s. If you have ever seen a person with cancer you know that it’s not a pretty process. You have to watch the person you love suffer and slowly lose their motor skills. They get agitated because, they can’t help themselves when they want something and they sit there and struggle with small tasks.
I was about eleven the last time I saw her alive. Casey and I had been playing outside and my mom was getting ready in the bathroom. I walked inside to find my grandmother sitting at the table trying to eat her cereal. I sat down next to her and realized her hand with spoon in it couldn’t lift up the cereal to the right place on her face. She started to get upset and gave up. She looked up at me and said in a loud voice “Ashley do you want to play crazy 8’s,” she stuttered eights. My mom walked up and whispered “No, she can’t do it now, and when she can’t she’ll get aggravated” I looked back at my grandma and she had a crooked smile on her face. “Come on let’s play” I starred in the small space between my legs and said “I can’t,” saying it tore me up inside and then watching her smile fade and go back to feeding her cheek made my stomach turn.
I sat in the pew at the rosary and didn’t speak. I wondered why I didn’t just sit there and play one card game for her sake. It would have made her happy. Why couldn’t I? I knew these questions would come back to me later and have no answer. I would forever feel bad and still now when I have nothing to do and lay on my bed I think about it and the pain comes back. I will always even though I do not have cancer be aggravated with myself.
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