Samira - Derby Line, Vermont
Entered on May 29, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: forgiveness

I believe in the power to forgive. I have learned this through many of my own experiences, but there is one experience that truly made me believe. This experience wasn’t one of my own but it was my friend’s experience.

A few years ago my friend’s mom and her husband of more than ten years separated and were getting a divorce. Her mom told her that the marriage wasn’t working, that there were many problems in the marriage, but my friend never believed her. She knew that her mom had been having an affair with another man. It was her mom’s boss. They would go on business trips together and she would stay at work way longer than she needed to. Even after the separation when my friend asked her mom about the boss, if they were dating, her mother would deny it. This went on for almost half a year. My friend saw the boss’s car at her house when she and her sister were visiting their dad. But when she would ask her mom about it she would deny it or blame it on a business thing. My friend was becoming very angry with her mom not only for having an affair during the marriage but also for lying. Then toward the end of the summer her mom told her that she was pregnant with her boss’s child. By then my friend knew her mom was dating the boss because, her mom had finally told her, but the news about the baby still shocked her. When she heard about the pregnancy, my friend couldn’t take it anymore. She was unbelievably angry at her mom.

After this, my friend stopped talking to her mom unless it was necessary, if she wanted or needed something A lot of the time when she would speak with her mother it ended in screaming and yelling at each other. Her mom desperately tried to mend things back together, but it didn’t work. Her mom would do anything or buy anything my friend asked for, but no matter what nothing changed. Her mom could do anything and nothing ever changed. This happened about two years ago. My friend now talks to her mom, but it’s the bare minimum. They aren’t very close. My friend would rather not talk to her mom, and she barely talks to her new step dad, the boss. My friend still has this hatred built up inside her that she can’t get rid of. A hatred toward her mother for something that happened a while ago, more than three years ago.

I believe that my friend needs to forgive her mom. This was something that happened so long ago and ever since has destroyed their relationship. If my friend would just forgive her mom she would be much happier when she’s at home, she would be able to appreciate all the things her mom does for her, and appreciate their relationship. She didn’t need to forgive her mom right away, but there comes a time when a person does need to realize that it’s time to forgive. If one keeps dwelling on the past, they wont ever move on. If a person is able to forgive, they can make peace with the person, and themselves. It’s harder for my friend to dislike her mom and always be mean to her, disrespect her and try to talk as little as possible to her, than it would to just have a normal relationship. It would be much easier for her to just forgive her mom and be happy, live life like it was before the whole incident.

Everyone has the power to forgive. Forgiveness will make life easier, because I believe it’s a lot easier to love than to hate. Not even necessarily to love, but just not to have hatred built up inside of onself about someone or something else. To hate something or someone a person has to put effort into it, but to not have an opinion like or be at peace doesn’t take any energy. By forgiving someone peace will be made with this person and life can go on without built up hatred.