This I Believe

I believe in Excellence. Webster’s New World Dictionary (Second College Edition, 1970, page 487) defines it as “The fact or condition of excelling.” I embrace this definition. I French it. I totally ravish it.

But I go further. To Daniel Webster, that word was just another abstract noun. To me, it is a concrete noun. More than that: To me, it is a proper noun. Which is why I always capitalize it. Like this: Excellence.

I strive to promote Excellence everywhere, and I use it to describe my strategic vision, goals and objectives by pressing into service all its lexical forms, including:

+Verbs (Excel, Excellerate);

+Adjectives (Excellent, Excellenter, Excellentest);

+Adverbs (Excellently); and

+Interjections (“Excellent, Dude!”).

In testimony to my abiding commitment to Excellence, my professional and dedicated staff is currently involved in a long-term research project to develop forms of the word for the three remaining parts of speech. Prepositions are proving particularly challenging.

But I don’t merely seek Excellence. I stalk it. Carefully, subtly, surreptitiously. Kind of like that quiet loner who lives across the street, with whom you exchange pleasantries but whom you cannot say you actually know, then you are astounded one day to read in your morning paper that he has been arrested as a serial peeping Tom, and the judge issues a warrant to search his house, which is so incredibly crammed with Nixon books and memorabilia that your local code enforcement office declares it a fire hazard, and the guy is let out on bail and given forty-eight hours to haul all that crap to the dump.

Anyway, to summarize: I have absolutely no use for people who settle for anything less than total Excellence. They make me vomit. I spit on them. And their families. And their pets.

I also believe in values. I am on board with Panjandrum William Bennett. I have high–indeed, ionospheric–values. I value values. I also believe in accountability. And transparency. And it goes without saying that I believe in family. Yes, family is right up there. But above all else, I believe in Excellence.

And what about Diversity? Do you want to talk Diversity? As far as I am concerned (as you probably guessed already from the fact that I capitalized it), Diversity is also a proper noun. I genuflect to it. In my office, I worship at the altar of Diversity, around which my staff joins hands every morning to sing “Kumbaya.” Kumbaya is thought to be a Gullah word. Beyond this, however, its etymology is uncertain. Some linguists believe it is a noun. If it is, I consider it a proper noun.