I believe the heart never lets go. Some people say it’s mind over matter. Well have you ever tried to just simply let someone go? I have and it’s not an easy task. I was fifteen when I met him. We just had a harmless phone relationship. At least that’s what I thought it was. That was until he said those three little words that mean so much. He was the first one to ever say that he loved me.
We had been talking on the phone for six hours, and out of nowhere his voice became all nervous sounding. He just blurted it out. “I love you” I was silent for a few seconds, not knowing if he was being serious. When I smiled slightly, and repeated the phrase. That was so small but meant so much.
At the end of the school year I went to his graduation, that’s where we seen each other for the first time. You see we were set up through a friend, and we actually never seen each other until that moment. We just kept staring at each other, not saying any words. When it was time for me to leave, he just looked at me smiled and flashed the “I love you” sign with his hand. That was it for me, I knew I was in love. Then six months later he broke up with me. I cried forever.
Its now eight years later, and I am still in love with him. Yes I have been dating other guys, but I always compare them to him. I can’t ever forget him, no matter how much I have tried I cannot let this man go.
January we seen each other again, we hung out for a few hours. I had my chance, to be with him. I was too nervous, and I blew it. Now he has moved on and is with someone else, but my heart just can’t let him go.
Yes, he was my first. I know they always say you’ll never forget your first. I just can’t get around it. I feel that he is the one I was supposed to be with the rest of my life. I don’t think we will ever be more than just friends. I always tell myself he’ll come around, and realize that he’s supposed to be with me.
I think his heart let me go. I wish he would tell me how he did that. So maybe I could do the same.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.