Evil with in me

Kyung Suh - Seoul
Entered on May 27, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: good & evil

On a chilly winter night, the roads are not as busy as usual as it nears midnight. The streetlight brightens the otherwise empty pedestrian as a couple of people are walking by. Only a few cars are stopped on a red light. I see a motorcycle gang from hundreds of feet behind seems to slow down as it comes closer and closer to the intersection. Without warning, however, one motorcycle accelerates, faster and faster to the point one old man is scared to death as I see across the road the speeding motorcycle approaching. There is nothing he can do; I pray for my last and on the brink of a second, the bike finally crashes into him.

I don’t exactly remember what happened afterwards; the driver flies in the air and hits his head into the steering wheel and loses consciousness. The quirky smell of a gasoline and a bizarre feeling of blistering heat surprise me. I see an old man next to me unconscious and somehow he looks more “red” than usual. I realize that he is dying with a pool of blood. I am terrified and I freak out. Screaming with this bloody situation and petrified by what has been unfolding in front of me, I panic. I try to pull him out but can’t. I escape and run to call ambulance to save him.

I first heard Seunghyun’s accident while I was chatting with my friend after I played basketball game during the midnight three years ago summer vacation in Korea. My friend was watching how the accident happened and called ambulance to carry Seunghyun until the emergency room in Seoul National University Hospital. He said Seunghyun was in delight receiving acceptance letter from Dongguk University. Excited and rejoiced, Seunghyun hopped on his friend’s motorcycle and ran midnight road at a breakneck speed with his friends. However, when Seunghyun was hooraying on the bike, the guy in front pushed accelerator not the break pedal and ignored red traffic light and finally crashed into the old man on pedestrian crossing and eventually killed the man. Even, Seunghyun hurt his brain so he can now only think and behave as if 9-year-old kid until rest of his life.

Seunghyun was a bully kid. He used to haze other friends including me but sometimes he was very friendly at the same time. This made me confuse the difference between friendship and enemy. He always and tried something “cool” in front of everyone. For example, he used to teach us how to punch someone accurately and efficiently when he fights, how to smoke cigarettes, and how to ride a motorcycle. So, I assumed some other kids liked that kind of him. Because his “coolness” was unanimous by everyone it was hard for me to disagree with him and I was always forced to do something which I do not wish. I used to think whether he was a crazy kid. At the same time, I wished he should disappear from my school or… die. After I heard his accident, I could not help but feel the drastic difference in the way the two of us used to have different thought and viewed life. The devastating story about Seunghyun left me completely distraught. I had two thoughts in my mind. First, he deserved to die from what he has done to me in the past. Second, he used to be my friend. In addition, I also thought myself I am a very cruel person. If Seunghyun was a good friend of mine, I could have cried and grieved about his accident. The fact that he was enemy at the same time I had another evil mind; he deserved to die. I believe humans are evil.