True Friends

Jordan - West Linn, Oregon
Entered on May 26, 2008

I believe a true friend is the greatest treasure in the world.

The worst feeling I’ve felt thus far in my life is being excluded and not feeling accepted by others. I absolutely hate that feeling. True, this may be a thought of one who is caught up in the world, nonetheless, it’s how I feel.

Being left out is horrible and it leads to more pain and confusing. I hate it when I have a friend, who claims they are a friend, but in actuality they are using me, or are two-faced and talk behind my back. There have been times when I used to do magic all the time, when people would come up to me and tell me how cool I was. They said I was their best friend and if I ever needed anything I could just call them. These people would always want to hang out and have me show my magic to their friends because it was so unbelievable to them. Everyone was nice to me, to my face at least. I liked being myself, and I didn’t always say the “right things.” Those people who were nice to me when I was around would turn to their friends after I left and talk about me. How I thought I was cool just because they included me. How I was really just some stupid kid who could do something really amazing. I have learned that only around my closest friends can I let my guard down and not have to worry whether I say something dumb. I believe a true friend accepts me for me, and I don’t have to say exactly what they want to hear just to be liked. I believe a true friend is one who I don’t have to put a mask on to be accepted.

Magic is a great tool for icebreakers, but recently I have chosen not to flaunt my skill for one reason. Some people will say they like me and call me a friend simply because I can do magic. But eventually, and this happens almost every time, I run out of tricks and I become boring to them because I can’t entertain them anymore. At first I was overwhelmed because I thought all these random people liked me because they all knew me as “The Magic Kid.” For the first time I was in the “popular” crowd. But soon those “friends” would stop calling me, and didn’t want anything to do with me anymore; I was just the flavor of the month. I hate those people who claim me as a friend who only like me for my magic, and not for me, for Jordan. I feel I have to use magic as a mask to fit in with them. I hate it.

I tend to think about many things when I’m alone. My mind wonders and I analyze every situation I’ve been in. The topic I think about the most is friends. What makes a true friend, a best friend? I believe finding a true friend is the greatest treasure in the world because there aren’t many to be found. As I was thinking to myself, I realized how many friends of mine really don’t treat me the way I would want to be treated by a friend. Sometimes they don’t include me, like they don’t invite me to lunch. Or sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for them to want to hang out with me. I see them calling their other friends to hang out, and going to do stuff, but they never seem to call me. Thinking about it I usually get called to hang out in a group. Yes, at surface level it feels like I’m being included, but it also makes me feel like they wouldn’t just want to hang out with just me; they have to have other people there for me to be fun.

Finding someone who will stick by me through the hard times and the fun times is like finding a diamond in the rough. Someone who will hang out with me just to hang out; that’s what I think is a true friend. Friend is a word that gets thrown around loosely, it seems to have lost its meaning. But I’ve learned true friends are hard to find. I don’t know whether my standards for “friends” are too high and I’m expecting too much from them, but its how I feel. I want to feel like I am wanted and accepted and to feel that from friends, I have to have these high standards. My hope is that in college I will be able to find true, life long friends, because I believe true friends are the greatest treasure in the world.