I believe in never having to be afraid of men again

Sarah - Hillsboro, New Hampshire
Entered on May 24, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: fear

I believe in never being afraid of men again.

I am 16 and already I have filled my glass of life half-full. I have been sexually assaulted three times in the span of four years. I have been called a liar and I have been criticized more than any person should ever be.

My mother always told me never to be alone in a house with a man because they have one thing on their mind, and one thing only. I never listened because I believed that it would never happen to me. But it did. Now she cannot hold me a certain way, or look at me a certain way, without me being taunted by my awful past.

The hardest thing is when your own friends don’t believe you, but instead they believe the person who has done the awful things to you. I guess they were never my friends to begin with. Even my own school has told me that they are “disappointed in me” for having that person not allowed back to school. They would tell me that “he deserves an education just like you.” Yes, but I deserve to never have to look at his face and remember what he has done to me.

I sit in class with people who joke about it, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I wish that I could just scream at them and tell them that it’s not funny and it never will be. If only they understood how traumatic and life ruining it is, then maybe they’d think twice about their humorless jokes.

I live in fear of my uncles, my friends father’s, older men, and any man I see. Simply because im afraid that it will happen again.. I wish that I could say that no one from my family would do anything to me, but the truth is, I don’t know. I try my hardest to forget about everything so I can live my life without the constant fear, but it is the hardest thing to do.

I believe that no girl should have to be afraid of the old man sitting in the corner of Dunkin Donuts without having to worry about him staring at her as she walks out. Now I am not saying that men can’t look at girls, I am saying that they should know how uncomfortable it makes some young girls feel.

I believe that movies should not show woman getting attacked by men and then the man walking away with no punishment. What is it teaching the teenagers who watch? That “oh don’t worry, it’s ok to beat that woman to death, you’ll just walk away with nothing but bloody hands”

I believe in never having to be afraid of men again.