I’m Sorry Grandma

Allison - Hilliard, Ohio
Entered on May 22, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family

I’m Sorry Grandma

I don’t regret a lot of things in my life, but there is one thing that I wish I could go back in change. In 2003, my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t really know what this disease was at the time; I just thought she wouldn’t be able to remember simple things, like forget to shut the refrigerator door, or forget to eat a meal. I never thought things could get how they are now.

My grandma, Margy B, truly cared about everyone she met. She had a way of making anyone feel like they were loved. Not only did she teach me how to love, but she taught me that life is short. She made me believe in time’s importance, and how it will follow you around just as a shadow would. Time should not be played with or taken too lightly. Who knows how much longer I am going to be here. I’m not going to sit back and let things happen to me. I’m going to go out there and give it my all before I run out of time.

Tomorrow is never promised and I think I use to take that for granted. If only I would have went and visited her one more time. If only I could have spent more time with her. If only a miracle would happen. No matter how many times I wonder “if only this” or “if only that,” nothing will ever change. I need to embrace my time left to make up for my losses. I need to live in the now. Life is something that should be cherished by all people, young and old. If I want to make the most of this life, then I need to start now. No more waiting. I’m going to beat the ticking hands on that clock to the finish.

When I go and visit my grandma at the nursing home, she is usually asleep. I give her a big hug to greet her, but she doesn’t flinch. Looking into her eyes, all I feel is emptiness. It’s as if I were staring at a blank piece of paper. She doesn’t know who I am, and that really hurts. I’ve learned to realize that she won’t be coming back to the grandma I use to know. I hope deep down, past that stupid disease, she somehow knows who I am. I hope she knows that she made me believe in a very important lesson about life. Even though my grandma’s time may be running out, I know she made the best of it. I hope throughout my life, I will make the most of mine.