Up until four years ago, I did believe in the concept of God in the Catholic faith. I believed that God was the almighty power that controlled the Earth. I believed that he could do no wrong and that prayer would keep you in good standings with him. I no longer can say I believe this. I feel that my family and I have been let down by God.
On April 25, 2004, my family experienced a devastation that was brought about by an accident. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were in a car accident coming home from their vacation in Florida. My 15 years old cousin, Katie, didn’t make it out alive. When I heard what had happened, I did not react by screaming and crying and wrapping myself in my parents’ arms. I simply stood up from the couch and walked into the other room. I stared out the window and felt the tears stream down my face. A tingling sensation that started in my hands and feet spread through the rest of my body. I felt my face heat up like a tea kettle. I was breathing heavy and fast. I wanted to see no one. I didn’t want anyone around me.
Going through the formalities of a wake and a funeral just made me think deeply about the accident. The question that I could not understand was, why? If God is so good and powerful, how could he ever let this happen? I didn’t question whether or not there was a God, but rather what God had the power to do. Did he have the power to stop an accident from happening? Was God just a figure for people to pray to in hopes of a better life? Why did Katie die?
Listening to people try to explain sudden death just made me believe that there was no explanation. I began to accept that this accident happened for only one reason, that is was an accident. I believe that there are no explanations; there are no religious reasons that can explain why it happened. I believe that an accident should not be investigated or picked apart to find some deeper meaning behind it. Far too often people try to explain unexpected events with religious beliefs.
People must have hope and faith to continue to live their life. Religion instills this hope in people. I am not saying that there is no heaven or God of some sort, but I am saying that nobody can blame God for an accident. God does not decide what happens; he is only there to guide people in the right direction through life. I hope and pray to God that he look over my loved ones and me in hopes that this will help us stay safe and happy. I hope I’m not praying to a God that can do nothing to help me live through the devastation that comes my way in life. But I will always wonder, why?