I believe everyone has a guardian angel. I dont know if you have met yours yet, but i have. Some may know him as Samich, Sanderson, or just plain ole Matt. i believe he was sent to help me. i believe he saved my life.
I didnt meet Matthew until my freshman year of high school, but my problems had started long before then. In middle school I was the typical, ugly awkward, kind of kid. But my life at home was hard to deal with, and other issues in my life were becoming unbearable. I got to the point where i couldnt take it anymore. That’s when i started cutting myself. Whenever something got bad, it was what i could turn to. When life Spun out of control, my razor was my sanctuary. It was i could turn to when i couldnt turn to my family anymore. this problem got progressively worse over the next few years, as little scrapes turned to gashes, and thoughts of suicide changed to attempts.
Now lets fast forward a few years to my sophmore year. I got pretty close with a kid named Brett in our Adv PE class. he was good friends with Matt, and so, coincidentally, Matt and i became very close during track season. While my cutting at that time was dormant, it would still flare up on occasion. In mid November of ’07, Matt and i had been dating for about 5 months, he knew of my problem but had never had to encounter it head on, until he found a fresh cut across my arm, which led to our first and biggest fight ever. He began to question me and i immediately put up a defensive wall, like i had learned to do when i first started cutting. I started screaming at him, he raised his voice, but never yelled at me, this went on for a good long time until he had finally broken me down. I collapsed and started crying: he knelt next to me and cried with me. This was when i knew he was here to help me. Since then we have had a few instances, but nothing close to as bad as things were.
I wish you all could have seen Matt’s expression when i went to his house a couple months later, and while we were watching TV, i told him that the night before, i had wanted to cut myself really badly, but stopped myself when i thought of how much i would be hurting him if i had. it was the happiest i think i have ever seen him. Because of Matthew i was able to stop this horrible disease. Because of him i am still alive today. All because of my Guardian Angel.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.