Learning to free myself

Whitney - Plano, Texas
Entered on May 14, 2008

I believe that freedom has never existed but will always remain a distant mirage, a part of the unattainable awed American dream. Lives will continue to be fruitlessly lost in effortless tedious search. As a unified race, mankind has always strove for independence and liberty; dying, fighting and killing for a taste of freedom. But all attempts are in vain as freedom will never be reached. I think freedom’s elusive enigmatic qualities comprise what makes it so precious and revered. When I speak about freedom I don’t mean the political form inscribed in the American Constitution Americans so proudly brag about, but I refer to a more abstract form of freedom; the freedom within each person, a combination of desires and dreams. Freedom has been tainted by society and media influences and pressures, which manipulate beliefs and transform into our dictators and in turn control every aspect of our lives. By letting society restrict me and allowing the things I want and the things I have define me, I am destroying my personal human right of self-freedom. When I look at my life thus far and carefully examine my actions and decisions I clearly see the ghastly methods media used to reach its strangling grasp into my conscience and rob my free will. It’s immensely disheartening that in a country where freedom parallels the backbone of its foundation; so many souls are lost, stolen and sold to gain a single step in pursuit of materialistic and worldly achievements.

When I first came to America I brimmed with confidence and radiated poise, flaunting my fresh British-sounding Dutch accent and striving for my personal dream of becoming a writer. Thrown head first with the gleaming designer adorned piranhas in the mainstream of American ideals, standards and pressures I was instantly devoured. I began my sophomore year an altered replica of trendy and chic teen magazine models; new hair, new clothes and a new shallow-driven attitude to match. Sucked into a world I had previously never known I lost control of my choices, my mistakes and my destiny as the media fueled my drive with designer brands and constantly changing trends. My passion for fashion developed and matured well beyond my years of experience and I not only lost my distinctiveness and my accent but more distressing, I lost my self. I soon grew restless and jaded by possessions and appearances that I finally fought back; pushing my way wearily against the current. Battling my personal demons and often stumbling and losing my grip, I finally reached the bank. I don’t claim to have reached total personal freedom as I will occasionally feel the piecing tug of society’s impression at my collar, but I do realize the fleeting value of liberation. As a human being I am more than just surface materials; I am a beating heart, I am a hopeless dreamer and I am a passionate crusader voyaging my own path. It’s all I could do to free myself.