True friends exist!

Michelle - Rutherford, New Jersey
Entered on May 7, 2008

In life, you never know who to trust. You’re always bothered by questions soaring through your mind. Should I let my guard down? Or does a true friend even exist? I believe it does, but you have to find it on your own. You always have your ups and downs in life. Your could have, should haves. Why did I trust someone? Why not? To me you have three columns of friend. Your fair weather friends- People who act like their your friend but talk crap about you behind your back, also labeled as back stabbers – your acquaintances – people who are sort of friends but you can’t trust them, just regular buds- and lastly you have your true friends. The one’s who deal with your bull shit, listen to your cries. Pick you up when you’re down, and then trip you again. The one’s who tell you like it is, but don’t man to hurt you. The people who back you up when someone does their round of gossiping. Whether it’s true or not their there for you, and they don’t listen to the bll either.

I’ve had many encounters in life when it comes to friends. I’ve lost many, and kept few. Had fights and had laughs. I grew up in the projects where you felt like you had to watch your back everywhere you went. Ironically, I’m watching my back more here in a new town then there. I had my friends in Union City. I had about a good 15 friends that we swore after graduation we would always keep in touch. 7 out of the 15 actually lived up to there promise. And at that point, I knew who my true friends were. Or so I thought. One of the boys that I was very close with ( very very very close with, if you get what i mean) Decided one day tot ell me how he really felt. Inclusing that he just used meand that we were never friends. It sucked to think this kid I knew since third grade all of a sudden wailed out on me and decided he was going to say what he actually felt about me. But in a way……. I thank him for it. If he never would have told me what he did, I would have never cried that night. And if he never told me how he felt, I would have never called the other six and asked if they felt the same way. If he never would of told me what he did, I would have never realized the definition of a true friend and the true friends that i had all along.

And then I moved 15 minutes away to Rutherford, and right away I felt like I had to start all over again. My true friends are’nt here to help me find good people. This means I’m on my own. And in this town, it’s hard to find good people. You get close to someone here, and they whined up dissapointing you in the end. Believe me, freshman year was tough. New school, new people, hardly any Hispanics (Look, I came from a city with a population of 150% hispanics to a town with .05%… Gotta cut me some slack here) Like I said I was screwed over freshman year, people were nice to me; little did I know it was because I had money. And I liked it at first, I’m not gunna lie, bbut I was sick of it. I was sick of getting used. And to this day I get used. Whether it was changing a report card or giving someone money, its all just fakeness. I found me some good friends, actually two really good friends. One moved and one still here, but i rarely talk to. But that’s exactly my point. The one I rarely talk to is there for me when I need her. And that’s all that matters. I can not talk to her for years and call her anytime and she’d be there. Still I know I may be greedy, but I want more like that. Basically because I’m the type who can’t just be with one person, I have to be with a crowd of people I trust. At least a handfull. But like I said I can’t seem to find them. My mom always says “You only need one really true good friend in life Mishy (my nickname)… you have six, your lucky.” I do have six, and I do feel lucky. But they can’t be here with me, so i guess I have to find another group of friends like them. It’s going to be tough, I know, and it’s gunna take time, I know that too. But if taht’s what it take sthen I’m all for it. You always need someone to check you back into reality, and I’m willing to find that true friend, because it does exist.