I believe in family and tough love….

Michie - Coeur d Alene, Idaho
Entered on May 7, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

This I believe

I believe in my family, and if it wasn’t for their tough love they had given me, I would not be here today.

I was 15 years old, a freshman in high school, when my middle brother committed suicide. He was a junior attending the same school. That was the year I tried meth. After my brother had passed my parents were devastated and distraught, which made it easy for me to do whatever I wanted. I started to party every weekend unbeknownst to my parents. They accepted any lie I told them and I was able to get out with my friends. The first time I did meth I got it from a 27 year old man who asked me “Do you want a line of crank?” I was there with another girlfriend and, of course, I accepted the line to be cool. I didn’t know it would be the start of a 15 year nightmare, and struggle with addiction.

I started using meth by ingesting it through my nose. I would stay awake anywhere from 3 to 5 days. I went from 130 lbs. to 100 lbs. in a month and half. I thought I looked great. I didn’t realize my skin was gray and there were dark circles under my eyes. I had scabs on my face from spending countless of hours in the bathroom dissecting every and any blemish I had. This would be one of the nervous tics I had developed from using. I was able to come and go as I pleased to and from my parents house, which has always been home to me even now. I could be gone for a week, come home, eat, sleep, and then disappear back in to my world of meth. At age 20 I started smoking meth. By age 24 I was shooting meth into my veins. Using meth intravenously was an entirely new high. Once I tried injecting it there was no going back to any other method.

I started dating a meth cook. Our lives consisted of getting high, buying supplies, getting high, selling the product, and getting high. It was a never ending battle chasing after our next high. It was a world of stress and madness everyday. Meeting and associating with fellow tweakers under the influence of the Devils drug. My boyfriend was verbally, physically, and mentally abusive to me. I stayed with him, because I saw no way out. At age 27 I became pregnant. Three months into my pregnancy I stopped using cold turkey. My boyfriend left me to go chase his high and I resided at my parents house. Six months later my beautiful son was born.

After he was born, I felt like I had a purpose in life, but the urge to get high was calling me too. When he was 9 months old I left him with my parents. I found my meth cooking boyfriend and got high, I didn’t return home. A month and a half later I got the nerve to call home to let my parents know I wasn’t dead. They already knew where I had gone. I told my parents that I was sorry and couldn’t come home. A few months after that I broke up with my boyfriend and I drug my tired, strung out self home. For the first time I was sat down and given and ultimatum by my mom, dad, and eldest brother. I was to get help and get clean, or else, they were going to cut all ties to me. They told me they had already gotten custody of my son, and it was to hard on them to see me destroying myself. They said I would no longer be able to come to their house, see my son, give me anymore money, or take any phone calls from me until I get help for myself. My father gave me a number to a social worker and told me to leave his house. I was absolutely horrified. I never felt more alone in my life. I was always able to come and go, now I was cut off from my safe place. It took me 4 more months to hit my rock bottom. I finally called the social worker and she helped me get into a residential drug treatment facility. I attended rehab for 60 days. After I got out of rehab I did outpatient treatment and attended AA and NA meetings.

I have now been clean for a little over 2 years. I have done a complete 360 in my life. I am now attending college fulltime and working part time. I am now a good sister. I am now a good daughter. Most important to me I am a good mother to my 4 year old son. If it wasn’t for my family and their tough love I would not be where I am today.

This I believe.