What I Don’t Believe

Cindi - Bay Village, Ohio
Entered on May 6, 2008

I can’t tell you what I believe, as that is a constantly moving target.

What I don’t believe is far more consistent.

At my very core, I don’t believe in an all-Knowing, all-Seeing Uber-Being whose plan and vision lay the foundation for our lives. I don’t believe any He, She, or It could possibly know who I am, individually; or what my purpose is; or what steps will most effectively move me in the direction my life should go.

I don’t believe in any one direction my life should go.

I have infinite choices, but I don’t believe I have free choice.

We were taught, in my 8th grade economics class, that there is No Free Lunch. Costs are embedded in everything we do and don’t do; in every behavior; in every feeling we express or suppress.

I don’t believe anything is free.

I don’t believe anybody is free.

We are all defined, challenged and shaped by circumstances and experiences we remember and don’t remember; those that we recognize and those that we fail to see

I don’t believe we truly hear each other when we converse. I don’t believe we are capable of hearing what others say, except through a complicated and unstable filter of our own beliefs, experiences, expectations, biases, fears and hopes.

You might say, ‘I love you’;

I might hear, ‘I love you, unless’… or ‘I love you, until’…

You might say, ‘That is evil’, meaning one thing.

I might hear, ‘That is evil’, meaning something else.

I don’t believe evil and good exist in counterpoint to one another, in a fight leading to the victory of one over the other. I don’t believe the tension between the two will ever be resolved.

I don’t believe anybody has all the answers to the Meaning of Life, or to Our Purpose on Earth, or to the Nature of Good and Evil.

I don’t believe any of us harbors within us enough individual wisdom to figure out our own ultimate purpose, let alone the purpose of others and of life, in general.

Sometimes I’m not sure I believe I’m actually here, and I wonder if I’m dreaming of this existence from some pod in the Matrix or some not necessarily parallel universe.

I believe in universal coherence.

I believe in universal chaos.

And I don’t believe these are mutually exclusive.

I don’t believe we will ever grasp the extent of creation, or that our definition of life will suffice forever.

And someday, I may no longer believe in anything I’ve said before.

In essence, I don’t believe in certainty. Life is simply too large, too multi-faceted, too ever-changing to be understood with our mere minds.

Of course, I also don’t believe that our minds are mere.

I don’t believe—except in the fleeting instances when I do.