right to live

Steven - Fort Worth, Texas
Entered on May 6, 2008

This I believe

When I was a child my parents told me that I could be anything I wanted as long as I worked hard, studied hard and applied myself. My parents always told me that they wanted me to be happy. They said they wanted their children to have the opportunities that they never had. They wanted us to be what ever we wanted to be as long as we were happy. I took their words to heart. Unfortunately that was not the case when I told my parents I was gay. My parents were ashamed, embarrassed and un-accepting of my revelation.

I truly believed that my coming out would release me from my prison thus far, but

I was sadly mistaken. I heard the cruel and horrible things that my mother and brother

were saying about a friend of the family who was homosexual. The words that I heard

cut threw like a freshly sharpened knife and cut deep into my soul. I could not believe

that my parent who claimed she just wanted her kids to be happy was saying such spiteful

and defamatory things about this “friend”. Hours after hearing the conversation I decided

that I would end the pain of being gay, so I attempted suicide to end my life, their

embarrassment and the humiliation of it all. My family ties were forever destroyed.

I have learned that through the right of self-determination I have the right to live my life

the best way I see fit. I have discovered that life is worth living. I am proud of being

who I am, because I try to be the best person I know how to be. We are all flawed is

some way form or fashion, but we all deserve to be loved. I do not know how my family

feels about me these days because I have not seen or spoken to them in many years. Life

can be very difficult with out having a family unit to fall back on, but I have come to the

realization that family is not who you are born to. Family is what you surround yourself

with. Many people grow up and live day to day with out families so I am no different.

The only difference is that I did not let those people who betrayed a child’s love destroy

my heart or soul. I tried for so long to understand what I did wrong in hopes of

correcting it so I could have that parental love and support back. Those attempts were in

vain. I did nothing wrong. I am who I am. I have had to find with in myself the

determination to go on with my life and be successful for myself and myself only.

I believe that we all belong. I believe that we should all try to strive to the best

we know how to be. I believe that we are wonderful creatures of resilience and can

overcome the toughest of obstacles.