I guess my story starts with, “I fell for him”. Some call it puppy love, some call it young love. Whatever it was, I had it bad.
I was consumed by it, devoured by the notion that I was his and he was mine.
I defined all aspects of my life in terms of “boyfriend”. What did he want to do on Saturday night? What did he want to eat for dinner? To make matters a bit more sticky, I lived with him.
Then came the enviable day when he broke my heart. I was devastated to say the least. I lost my best friend and, because I let it get to far, a bit of myself.
It was the end of Spring semester of my sophomore year. I had let all my friends drift away because of some unconscious urge that never let me feel satisfied with his touch but left me wanting more. My family was far away so I could only lean on their voices.
For the first time in my life, I was completely alone. I went from thinking I had everything in the world to realizing that it was all a dream.
However, this is not one of those sad I-got-my-heart-broken-please-pity-me stories. Not by any means. This isn’t about my pain. I realized a long time ago that that is not the way to get through life. No, this is not one of those stories, this is the story of a rebirth and the chance to recreate your life.
Slowly, I began to redirect my daily thought process. Eventually, I was no longer waking up asking myself, “What is he going to do today?” I began to unconsciously redevelop a sense of self. “What could I do today that would make me happy?”
I will never regret the decisions I made, even though, I fully admit they were stupid and naive. But without those decisions I would be no where near the person that I am today. Nor would I love the person I have become in such a strong honest way.
I turned a seemingly dark stage in my life and turned it into one of the most liberating, self-defining moments I have ever experienced in my entire life. I found my own apartment with a roommate, I packed up all of my things, moved myself out of the house, all while studying for finals week and getting on the dean’s list. And I did it on my own.
Now I know that I can do anything. I am stronger for the experience. I proved my own independence to myself, which I never fully thought that I had the strength to do. I learned that even if something pulverizes me beyond recognition, I have the strength to reconstruct myself with an even stronger foundation.
Love goes farther than simply the person you choice to spend your time with. And by being forced to discover my inner strength by the end of one love, I learned how to love myself again. I believe in the power of love.
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