I believe trusting is difficult

Adam - Indpls/IN/46227, Indiana
Entered on May 2, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe Trusting is Difficult

I was thirteen years old. Very naïve, and very emotional. My eyes were set on a

girl who I had a real connection with. I could make her laugh, and she got me to

come out of my shy shell.

After an entire semester of having a lot of fun with her, I thought I

wouldn’t get to spend one of our last class periods together because I got into

trouble for not having the proper attire. This girl saw me being sent upstairs

to play basketball by myself, and quickly ran into the locker room, slipped on a

pair of earrings, and quietly came back to our roll call lines. Not a minute

later the teacher sent her upstairs her and me upstairs alone. Dumb huh?

After about 10 minutes shooting hoops, neither one of us had hit a shot.

We ended up sitting down and talking about some heavy topics (i.e. – love and

life). She got up and started dribbling slowly towards the locker room. I got up

and started walking next to her, and then I told her that I wished I could spend more time with her. She stopped, turned and looked up at me with

her big blue eyes, and clenched my shirt to pull me closer. I put my arms around

her waist and with all the emotion of had gave her the most heart-filled kiss

I’ve ever given. I walked downstairs with an awe struck grin on my face and her

hand in mine.

Unfortunately, the class had to end, and apparently so did her feelings.

She wrote me a note the next day telling me that she really loved her boyfriend

and that “maybe we shouldn’t talk so much anymore.” Even though we both had

feelings for each other, she chose her already boyfriend over me.

This is not the only incident like this, but it was certainly one of the

most hurtful. My trust of people has become much more unforgiving now. It takes

so much for a person to gain my trust, and so little to lose it. I’ve had many

trustworthy people try to come into my life and show me love, but I can never

tell when someone is going to leave me stranded. Although I’ve made a point not

to show weakness so this sort of thing won’t happen again. I know that I will

never let me down. It is sad to say this, but that moment has molded me to be

somewhat of a loner. People have told me that I have a “cautious heart,” and I

they’re right. In hindsight, I am not glad this happened because it was a tough

time getting over the empty feeling in my gut, but I am very thankful that I

have become so strong. To this certain someone, “Thank you. I hate you.”