To say that my Dad and I didn’t have the best relationship while I was growing up is an understatement. The day my mom told me they were separating and he was moving out I started laughing out loud (not the best response if you want to stay out of trouble by the way…). I couldn’t wait to be free of him and the subsequent pain I had been living with. I completely separated myself from my Dad and everything he believed in. Of all these things that I rejected, the biggest was anything to do with God. At age 18, I told myself that I was going on a quest to search for the truth; to see what I really believed not just accept what I had been told all my life.
Fast forward 7 years. I was a fully functioning adult, I had a good job, a condo in Alpine, lots of friends, and even a new puppy; but I wasn’t happy. Something was missing and I began to realize that I still didn’t have the answers to my questions; more importantly I hadn’t taken the time to ask. It took time, honesty with myself and others, some difficult conversations, thoughtful research and intense healing before I came to realize that I already had the answer. I knew what I believed; I just had to acknowledge it. I admitted to myself what I had known all along, that God is my creator and loving heavenly father and that through his son Jesus Christ He is also my savior. This is my core. This is what is central to my life and is what defines how I spend my blip of time on earth. Nothing else even comes close. There isn’t anything else that has or will fulfill me, satisfy me, or sustain me like God’s love. In all those years that I cursed Him, ignored, rejected and turned my back on Him, He never turned His back on me. He loved me and protected me; He cared for me in ways that I can’t even comprehend. Looking back now, I see so many times where He saved me from myself and preserved my heart, keeping it whole.
God works in the most mysterious ways. I may never fully understand how or why things happen, but I do know with confidence that it’s all part of a very meticulous and specific plan. The suffering I endured as a child, while painful, has helped me to become the person I am today. And again, as an example of God’s intricate plan that only He could have designed: on the quiet evening at home when I prayed and gave my life back to God, it was my Dad who prayed with me…
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